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I STILL REMEMBER THAT NIGHT

When I first tasted your lips
your love sweetened my heart
I'm now ecstatically happy
I'm now standing as the statue of liberty

I still remember with a flash of thought
how our love was merged together
we were like sealed oil, smooth and tight
now my love and joy is heightened

I still remember that night
how you rolled your magical hands
with delightful touch of a feeling
I still feel nostalgic and I am craving more

I feel the smoothness of your affection
in your absence the dew comes
like your presence and i felt good
your love is truly my shield.

©® Onyinyechi Cosmos Etu

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Comments

(and) my soul grabbed your arms lose the word (and) it doesn't add anything to the poem.
I'm now standing as (the) statue of liberty (add "the")
I still remember with(a) flash of thought (or... with flashes of thought) either way is good.
how our love was merge(d) together (add a "d" to merge)
I still feel nostalgic and (I am)craving (for) more (add I am) remove (for)
in your absence the dew(s) comes (remove the "s")

my favorite lines are:

I feel the smoothness of your affection
in your absence the dews comes
like your presence and i felt good
your love is truly my shield.

this is a really excellent "love" poem. it is not cloyingly sweet like so many love poems are. you did good! lol!

*with affection, Cat
*

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

I always appreciate you for your constructive feedback. This is truly what I prefer than normal praise. Yet you made your own preference from the lines.

Excellent eagle eye thou art!
Please check if am right now.
Thanks!

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

author comment

Hi, Jackweb beautiful piece of writing. I also agreed with Candlewitch those lines resonate with me:

I feel the smoothness of your affection
in your absence the dews comes
like your presence and i felt good
your love is truly my shield.

Candice Vitalien
"Keep glowing even if no one can see your light.
For among the hidden stars on the darkest night
Someone will look up and behold
The flickering hope; words untold;
Strength and Honour my Warriors! "

Thank you so much for the read.

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

author comment

you are good!

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Thanks a lot Cat!

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

author comment

Good piece all around. This the kind of stuff I like to write on little scraps of note paper and sneak in my wife’s lunchbox or into a little homemade card. It’s my way of keeping the fire burning. The only thing that says I love you better than the written word…your actions.

Great work,
Tim

I appreciate your lovely feedback Rosewood.

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

author comment
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