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I HAVE NO ONE, NO ONE AT ALL.
The tree on the hill looks as lonely as me,
But then again how could it be?
I have no one, no one at all,
Nobody ever comes here to call.
The tree has birds who nest and sing,
It also hears secrets the wind doth bring.
I have no one, no one at all,
Nobody ever comes here to call.
The tree has squirrels in its bough,
Eating nuts like they’re doing now.
I have no one, no one at all,
Nobody ever comes here to call.
The tree has picnickers around it come,
Eating and shading from the sun.
I have no one, no one at all,
Nobody ever comes here to call.
The tree has children climbing high,
As if they’re racing to the sky.
I have no one, on one at all,
Nobody ever comes to call.
In winters though, just maybe the tree,
Finds it lonely just like me.
Being stripped of all its green,
Not many animals, people or bird to be seen.
Review Request (Intensity):
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Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Editing stage:
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Comments
neopoet
Sun, 2023-07-30 21:50
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "I HAVE NO ONE, NO ONE AT ALL" effectively conveys a sense of loneliness and isolation through the comparison between the speaker and the tree on the hill. The repetition of the line "I have no one, no one at all" emphasizes the speaker's solitude and reinforces the theme of the poem.
The use of imagery is well-executed, particularly in describing the tree and its surroundings. The image of birds nesting and singing, squirrels eating nuts, picnickers enjoying the shade, and children climbing the tree all contribute to a vivid depiction of life and activity surrounding the tree. This serves as a stark contrast to the speaker's own lack of companionship.
The poem also introduces a seasonal element, suggesting that the tree may experience loneliness during the winter when it is stripped of its leaves and there are fewer signs of life around it. This adds depth to the comparison between the tree and the speaker, highlighting the shared experience of isolation.
One suggestion for improvement would be to explore
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Geezer
Mon, 2023-07-31 12:58
A couple of things here.
For the main part, your rhyme is good enough, with strong enough ending sounds
that you can afford a added or missing beat or two here and there.
I do not maintain that one should always stick to a rigid meter, as long as you have strong rhyme
and do not exceed that one added or missing beat. I would like to say that you have a good poem here.
At the end, you go a little long with your line, but that could be fixed with the subtraction of a couple
of words that aren't needed, such as [animals] and the line comes out looking like this:
No birds or people to be seen.
Overall, a good piece of work. ~ Geezer.
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