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A Great Lady

Submitted by Carrie on Mon, 2024-05-13 00:58

G
To touch without shame,
Em
To talk without fear,
C
To listen and be heard,
D
Is something I hold near.

G
A love we know will end,
C
Makes it a special love indeed,
D
A friend, a companion,
C G
I am sure we all need.

C
For you, it would be hard,
G Em
To hold! Only to have to let go,
C G
But too, if only for a few moments,
Em G
You would hold, I would know,
C
Not exactly what you’re feeling;
Not exactly what’s in your heart,
But just for you to hold,
Is a good way to start.

Hope we can be mates,
Lovers and also friends;
Now I too will learn to let go,
Knowing all this, one day, will end.

Hope that you will know,
There will always be a place,
Inside this funny heart of mine,
I know I’ll find a place.

One day, when we’re old and gray,
We will remember when we’re inside;
I know, my dear, that I’ll look back,
And think of your love with pride.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Thanks for reading. :)
Editing stage: 
Not actively editing
Contest: 
Neopoet Weekly 05/12/24 to 05/18/24
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.

Comments

neopoet

Mon, 2024-05-13 07:00

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "A Great Lady" demonstrates a strong understanding of rhythm and rhyme, which contributes to its overall flow. However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent use of poetic devices such as metaphors and similes to enhance its emotional depth and complexity.

The poem's theme of love and longing is clear, but it could be made more poignant with the use of more vivid imagery. For instance, instead of saying "One day, when we’re old and gray," the poet could paint a more detailed picture of this future scenario to evoke stronger emotions in the reader.

The poem's structure is generally consistent, but the shift in perspective in the last stanza could potentially confuse readers. It might be beneficial to make the speaker's perspective more consistent throughout the poem or to make the shift more explicit.

Lastly, the poem's language is straightforward and accessible, but it could be made more engaging with the use of more varied vocabulary and more complex sentence structures. This would add a layer of sophistication to the poem and make it more interesting to read.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Rula

Mon, 2024-05-13 11:35

Rula's picture
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I like this. It has a touch of M.Angelo's ( Phenomenal Woman)especially the first part, but I found the letters above each lie a bit distracting. I know it's supposed to be written as a song, but as a poem it easily distracts the reader's attention.
Other than that I really like it.
Thank you for sharing

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Carrie

Mon, 2024-05-20 00:33

Carrie's picture

Thank you very much. :)

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