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Free drops of ink
Free drops of ink
have forth called
my innate talent,
my inner poet.
They've shown me how
potently they can write
about the unseen and
feelings deeply hidden.
They've never failed
to draw fresh images
sometimes fetched from Hell,
and others from Eden
.
They've sweetened the dreams
once by nightmares stolen,
and peacefully re-gained
empires earlier fallen.
.
They left some hearts
alive and others broken,
yet they have always kept my
heart and eyes opened.
Always leaving my
mind thinking ,oh my!
Have I the right
words chosen?
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Last few words:
Thanks for commenting in advance
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
Rula
Mon, 2012-04-23 07:41
Thank you
Thanks for the warm welcome Mark . I really appreciate it. As for these lines I think you agree that nightmares steal our pleasant dreams but we can get these sweet dreams easily when we write about them , does that make any sense?
Thanks for being the first to welcome me..Rula
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Rula
Mon, 2012-04-23 08:16
Any suggestions?
I appreciate any suggestions that would make my word sequence reads better
Mark . Please don't hesitate whenever you feel the need. My pleasure to hear you
get no nightmares.Isn't it a blessing..
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Rula
Mon, 2012-04-23 08:31
hope it reads better ...
Always wish that my words would read like a summer breeze and hurt no
soul or ear...Thank you Mark..Editing done...
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Eduardo Cruz
Sun, 2012-04-22 10:57
Rula,
Welcome!
I great first post, enjoyed following your train of thought.
Well constructed and interesting enough to hold the readers attention.
My favorite lines:
"They've shown me how
potently they can write
about the unseen,
about feelings deeply hidden,
and they've never failed
to draw fresh images
sometimes fetched from the Hell,
and others from Eden."
Because the extreme is so true.
Eddie
...
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
Rula
Mon, 2012-04-23 07:47
Thank you Eddie
You have chosen my favorite ones as well :-). It was great
to hear from you indeed . Thank you for your nice comment!
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Ian.T
Sun, 2012-04-22 12:48
Rula
What a lovely surprise, welcome to Neopoet.
Your first piece here is as usual lovely, you will find many workshops here and the best training for writing anywhere on the net.
May your stay with us be as a summer breeze,
Yours Ian.T (Yenti and Sparrow)
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
Rula
Mon, 2012-04-23 07:52
Thanks dear Ian
Also many thanks for leading me to this
wonderful place whether intentionally or
unintentionally. I'll sure enjoy my stay here :)
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Candlewitch
Sun, 2012-04-22 13:47
Dear Rula,
Once again, welcome to Neopoet! An excellent first poem. I liked the same lines as Eddie pointed out.
I hsve no suggestions, just appreciation for the work.
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Rula
Mon, 2012-04-23 07:56
Many thanks dear Cat
Thanks for your welcome message as well you've sent too. Appreciate your
nice words and hope we'll be friends soon.
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Nordic cloud
Sun, 2012-04-22 15:40
I love the way your ink is
I love the way your ink is personified,
free ink...and you have me guessing( artist so ink is expensive:) )
I also liked the way you explore your own mind
as if you were on the outside of yourself,
that's clumsily said by me, but you know what I mean.
You use an unusual manner of word placement, that makes us look more intently.
Interesting first poem for us here, welcome from me too.
Ann/Nordic cloud
in Norway.
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
Rula
Mon, 2012-04-23 08:05
Thank you dear Ann
"You use an unusual manner of word placement, that makes us look more intently" This is what everybody tell me...Lol . Thanks for you nice words and for the warm welcome dear Ann. Hope we'll be friends soon..Rula
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Rula
Mon, 2012-04-23 08:07
Thank you dear Ann
Appreciate your nice words dear Ann and the warm welcome as well. Hope we'll be close friends soon..
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raj
Sun, 2012-04-22 15:45
Yes Rula...you have the right
Yes Rula...you have the right words chosen to express your feelings..sentiments and emotions...through those drops of ink...a nice title and approach too..i liked it...
raj (sublime_ocean)
judyanne
Mon, 2012-04-23 08:09
a lovely concept
just a couple of suggestions
firstly, reverse syntax causes me to pause
'Free drops of ink
have forth called my
my inner poet'
would read bertter (imho i stress) as
'Free drops of ink
have called forth my
my inner poet'
and, too
' have I the right
words chosen?
to me (even though i see you are trying to keep rhyme)
'have i chosen
the right words?'
.
and then also
'They've sweetened the dreams
once by nightmares been stolen' - i'd drop the 'been'
also
'sometimes fetched from the Hell' (i'd lose the 'the')
just me
a very imaginative write
well done
love judy
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
Rula
Tue, 2012-04-24 08:45
I am sorry
dear Juddy . I didn't mean to ignore or delay a reply to your comment. I have just noticed yours . I am aware of most of what you said , I have already changed some before I get your comment yet chose to keep the last for the rhyme sake as you also noticed. Appreciate your tips and generous suggestions to polish my piece.
Always pleases me if you drop a visit and leave a comment...:-)
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Rula
Mon, 2012-04-23 08:10
Thank you raj...
I wish I can always do dear Raj..Thanks for dropping such a kind comment and happy you like my words...Rula
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scribbler
Mon, 2012-04-23 17:24
Hi Rula
WELCOME!! Now I can read you at 2 places. If you have any questions about site feel free to ask me or any member. The main suggestion I would give on your poem is to consider breaking it into stanzas..........stan
Rula
Tue, 2012-04-24 08:33
Stan!
Thank you!
Offering a hand
in a strange land
shows a lot of generosity
...As for the poem I liked to try my hands and thoughts
with a bit free style -rhyming though-and I am sure Wesley
won't like to see it so free.LOL
Do you think it will flow better if I did or how would it affect?
Thank you
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scribbler
Tue, 2012-04-24 09:01
Hi Rula
The purpose of using stanzas is to encapsulate each topic or thought in its own segment.It mainly serves to ease the reading and also allows the reader to give careful consideration to each segment.But this being free verse it's not required but I think if you try it you'll be pleased with the results. And pssst! Wes actually wrote a free verse here lol............stan
Rula
Wed, 2012-04-25 03:44
following Stan's advice
I always like to hear from experts as I am new to the world of
poetry, so I followed Stan's suggestion to break into stanzas . Hope it reads better
Thank you Stan and all who read and left a comment.
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Ian.T
Wed, 2012-04-25 03:55
Rula
I noticed that you have put this into Stanzas where it reads a lot easier, one thing I always seem to not think is correct is to start with AND as in:-
.
And always left my
mind thinking ,
oh my!
Have I the right
words chosen?
.
I would love to see "Always leaving my mind thinking" as aposed to the "and" bit.
Take care and always walk in the sunshine though the shadows are sometimes long, Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
Rula
Wed, 2012-04-25 04:08
Ian
Of course , I think it reads much better now. Thanks for
the suggestion..Take care..
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wesley snow
Sat, 2012-05-05 12:03
Here I am...
and here you are! I am so terribly sorry it took me so long to get back. My schedule is settling down. At least I know what my schedule is and have now incorporated some breaks between jobs.
Ah, what can I say. I know... I have your next exercise and will send it post haste. I am not giving up on our game. My verse will also arrive quickly and we should be able to produce something to post very soon.
I think this is your first post here at NeoPoet and I thought it rather apropos. Also, (and this was very pleasing) I noticed no typographicals. Everything was intended.
Marvelous.
Judy and Mark's comments about your word placement are astute. What you wrote is correct, but dated in its usage. Since I love old ways of talking and writing, I would probably leave them as is. They gave no grief to my ancient ear, but I understand their suggestions (be careful of both of those poets... Mark is assuredly strange, but he's also one of the smartest blokes here and Judyanne, though new here, is a bit like you. She writes incredibly emotional poetry without giving it much thought at the first writing. Like you, she does not know where her talents lie, but they are considerable and I'm not going to be the one to tell her).
As far as Stan's claim that I wrote free verse... well... he's a loquaciously lying lizard. A left leaning louse of the lowest level... and besides... he made Jess command me do it knowing I can't say no to The Elf (you'll meet him soon, he's the one who will insult you like Jeffrey Gibson and NOT hurt your feelings).
I'm going to play in your posts when I come to the computer today, so I'll see you later on.
By the way, I wouldn't have changed anything in the poem.
wesley
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about
Rula
Sun, 2012-05-06 03:51
Thanks God
Wesley,you made me breathe again. I really felt lost the few last days .I can't deny how great was my first experience here . Too many suggestions and opinions. I know they were all beneficial and with no doubt ,I've learnt a lot of new things , yet making too many revisions make me feel somehow dizzy. Though at the same time minor changes only took place. I am still not sure if making so many revisions is good or not , sometimes I know it is not that bad especially when it gives the piece a polish , I think it is not bad at all. But saying that you won't have changed anything if it were me , gave me a relief at one hand ,yet left me uncertain about few other things...
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weirdelf
Sat, 2012-05-12 18:01
Here I am, the insulting elf
I do not like poetic introspection.
Let's write for everyone! Not just other poets.
Otherwise all above comments, especially Judyanne's and Wesleys are all that need to be said.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Rula
Sun, 2012-05-13 04:47
Mr. Insulting elf
Thank you sir, or would I call you jess? Anyway, I am really happy to hear any comment of yours on my writing . However, I am not sure if I am getting what you meant by let's write to every one. If we think that ordinary people would read your or my poetry , I believe we'd live a big lie. ONLY poets read for each other . Others who read poetry which are not really many- have really the minimal requirements.I - unfortunately, know people who'd -though very close to my heart- never read a piece of poetry unless if they are obliged to ,e.g for academic purposes..
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weirdelf
Sun, 2012-05-13 07:38
Very valid point,
maybe I just like deluding myself. [smiles]
And Jess is fine.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Ian.T
Tue, 2012-05-15 04:41
Rula,
I think that we do write for everyone but the number of people that read our words well that is to be a great question of the ages.
How many people as a percentage go to see a picture in a gallery or read a book at the most it is a Million out of seven thousand millions.
Well if one in that seven thousand million reads our words and finds something of interest in them then we have succeeded.
Here on this site at least we have some of the best, to direct our errors and tidy our words and in doing so they read the whole thing and to critique that is where our words mean something to someone and we can smile..
Yours Ian.T
PS:- If we should have an Elf of the Southern Hemisphere read our words and give us good comments we should celebrate and be Happy LOL
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
Rula
Wed, 2012-05-16 01:12
Only if
If only wisdom is a hat
I'd borrow it from Ian T.
Then I'd wear it day and night
but would he really lend it to me?! [Smiles]
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Ian.T
Wed, 2012-05-16 17:59
Rula
I will give you my hat for your tomorrows.
That they still see the world as you do.
With a gentle tone that can be built on
Like unto a perfect foundation of Spirit
I will go to the forest and be at peace
for the evening comes to this land
Here we will reside in our own worlds
Yet in the knowledge that we are part of all,
Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
Rula
Fri, 2012-05-18 04:21
Always appreciate your gentle
Always appreciate your gentle and nice comments dear Ian
Thanks for the visit...
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loved
Thu, 2012-05-17 04:19
You are that lucky poet who speaks aloud without any inhibiti
You are that lucky poet who speaks aloud without any inhibitions
you are the only one perhaps
on whose maiden poem
all Neopoet’s stalwarts have placed a comment.
I am just a miniature dwarf
but at times do dare
to my thoughts
frankly and utterly bare.
My experience so far has been
compose at free will
and odd guy will twist
and
good twill be
as you would have made a mark worthy of thee...
old language hurts a few years,
but they never do any one,
least of me ever disturb
I’m a maestro of original creativity,
call it poetry or prosaicity
I leave it to the readers’ plea.
loved
Rula
Fri, 2012-05-18 04:31
Wow
Dear loved
Profound words
I adore your spontaneous
way of writing
It runs like a fresh stream
to quench the thirsty man
Thank you and please
Never call yourself a dwarf .:)
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loved
Sat, 2012-05-19 14:42
You credit me more than most over here
You credit me more than most over here
I was abused ... thrown to the sharks ...for consumation... if not consumption of
opposing poetic parlance....
distraught minds tried their utmost to banish me ...
but Loved withstood those trying times
and never gave in..... for only a single policy ,
we ought to imbibe
just remember friend this ..
''when one is wrong ...admit it instantly ...
let the punishment for the crime be death ...
but when one is right
fight
till the end
ere it results in the finality of fatality '''
we all deserve and none is obscured
for an indefinite period of time
sooner than later ....we all shall pass by
and though we all know....
still we lend a deaf ear ....to the inevitable
its no sin
but a realization of a destiny
one has to singularly live.
loved