Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

FORBIDDEN HEARse

Submitted by Esker on Sat, 2015-10-31 01:16

"U dont understand, I love her!"

the wind picks up scattering the umbrellas away
the flatbed with its faded black paint loaded up
with scrap tilts in the wind

Jory jumps in slamming the Merc's
door...."Shit"
Salvatore lights his butts with an old
lighter...the truck is rucking tough
his blue eyes have seen the Atlantic
in the last torpedo hours

"Girlfriend is laying down"

"No..shit she's not here"
salvatore sucks the smoke
an old Pall Mall three quarter
dreaming of a chicken
and a six pack of beer
He doesn't have to fight
the manual transmission

the wind sucks off the top of the
bays the levies......the sloughs
licks of white
trees bent............
dark blight of clouds
roaring
impervious
empirical

Rory Looks worried
not so much of the wind
and the jellyfish umbrellas
but of whose male shes
with...
and salvatore
is glad he is found
hard ground beneath
the legs
that remember the
sea each time an
atlantic sky arrives

.....

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

vandiemenspeak

Sun, 2015-11-01 00:48

vandiemenspeak's picture
Volunteer badge

"his blue eyes have seen the Atlantic
in the last torpedo hours" - magic..

And loved the image of the old flatbed keeling in the wind. I remember old Gypsie scrap dealers in what you might call "Old England" shuffling through the midland towns at dawn, banging on doors,looking for any old iron, we looked onthem with a mixture of fear and awe, everything in ife a little more rusted, and less formalised..

Also love that great evocation of sky:

"dark blight of clouds
roaring
impervious
empirical"

almost felt it was "indifferent to world below"..

The sea alway s figures, in its vastness, in poetry that i enjoy. There to remind us of the vast gulf betwen us, but also what's on the other side.

Made me wanna jump in the car and head for the south coast again!

Thanking you...

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

Esker

Sun, 2015-11-01 21:40

Esker's picture

as you say indifferent...we are beneath...literal....the Sheenyman!! ha there is a word chris..maybe you might have not heard this...look it up...they were all notorius..scrap was gold..I loved the story of how up here the scrap man just rode his team in..the owner said now...the scrap man kept coming and the owner whom was a hunter and good shot parted his reigns...but left calm enough too..almost like it was a ritual....in some lands...worse....If writing gets the wheel spinning...a film canister opened in the minds eye and turning....that is what I want...to spin the other artists minds eye into motion...turn on the bulb. I am not here to be king.....but a knight whom wants other knights and knightesses to ignite their torch..a passion for writing...or moment in reverie...ha...an old word for quiet thought....

thank U..

author comment

judyanne

Sun, 2015-11-01 02:05

judyanne's picture
Volunteer badge

I have nothing to say but gaze in admiration at your work Steve

One nit though - you forgot to capitalise Salvatore throughout...

Great imagery with story
and story between the lines
the true art of poetry
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Esker

Sun, 2015-11-01 21:44

Esker's picture

He was Great Salvatore!
and still is....
not even bad weather he fears!!
hard to believe he takes roses
and tea to a graveyard.....
broken and healed
Loved and lost

he is fine being salvatore
he would say too me
'Judyanne. this girl is a fine girl'
and I would nod and say
"yes...a fine girl"

I figured someone would stick up
for him though....
the loyalties of humanity
are alive and well!

thank U

author comment

vandiemenspeak

Thu, 2015-11-05 04:32

vandiemenspeak's picture
Volunteer badge

Or was it the other way round, and you were Dean Moriarty..?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/On_the_Road

I get the sense of an ongoing road movie playing in the cinema of your mind's emporium Esker...wonderful stuff that dreams are built on.

I think we all had our "soul buddies" on the road..mine is still weaving through the grainy streets of Brighton, back in ole' blighty, the old country and taking his leave from his habit of programming and ketamine occasionally to go on mad road trips back up to Nottingham, see the ghost of the Sherrif, and on to Edinburgh - all through the grey pall drizzle of an eternal twilight, that all little Englanders, constantly whine about, but secretly love. Damn, he was a good writer (alas) and friend, and eternal eccentric. He made his own company of one called "Strange Lights" and his vision was to project bizarre fractal images writ large onto low lying cloud in colourless towns up north...happy daze..;)

Something great I want to share with you, that sums up mine and many others experience of sub-culture joy growing up in the UK - if you haven't seen "Withnail and I" - you should, I promise you will laugh like a drain...

http://putlocker.is/watch-withnail-and-i-online-free-putlocker.html

Now I'll go and look up that word you mentioned...

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

Esker

Thu, 2015-11-05 08:00

Esker's picture

I never thought..But U see what I have forgotten and run with automatic like a dog in sleep!
forgot all about Sal! but loved from Here to Eternity! and Stienbeck of course!..Hemmingway

The weather....ours not as damp..nor longer durationed..but we get ours!

thinking of your blighty friends...fantastic concept... Similar to the stories of the KlIEGHLIGHTS
like movies....and could broadcast in an FM band..illegal or shortwave....or the numbers...beams of light like pixel projectors could be set up...thats a lot of power...like a flat screen projector...
moving light across a layered moving atmosphere at low level precip formations....I like the idea very much though.... almost like propoganda...visions..in the old days songs and tales to outwit the council of order....heresy ..

or spotlights with cut out nouns verbs...poetry invention....focal would be something!! fresnel lens..there we go! thats just straight light transmission....no image atop that!

great ideas!

yes....versions of Sal! amazing my friend!!

thank U

author comment

Esker

Thu, 2015-11-05 08:06

Esker's picture

but a true iconic and functioning image of history in america and canada.
if I run in "With Nail and I" it will show me scene shots..characters links
from that. I okay with getting intel preps beforehand..movies too me
were cold intel approch....which because of the way I think I missed much
actually have not been to an actual movie in years and years....2003?

thanks

author comment

Esker

Thu, 2015-11-05 08:13

Esker's picture

I am laughing already!
more study!!
Bartender..more research vessels and liquids!
time for dedunksheenans

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.