Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

The fog

Submitted by kowque on Wed, 2024-01-03 21:52

Try sleep.
Wake up,
Shaking,
Shaking,
Shaking.

Finally, sleep.
Wake up,
with a bloody mouth,
spikes attacking my temples,
and a bitten tongue.
The tremors must have come
to visit in my sleep,again.
Such dear, friends,
they are always close.

Try sleep.
Pills bring on the fog.
Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!
Wake up! Wake up! Just stay awake.
Don't let them see.
Don't give the fog Power.

The fog is not,
a dear friend.
The pills.
They open doors.
They open windows.
They find holes in the walls.
They invite the fog in.

Stay awake.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.

Comments

neopoet

Thu, 2024-01-04 03:52

neopoet's picture
Volunteer badge

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

It is not feasible to offer feedback.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Leslie

Thu, 2024-01-04 22:53

Leslie's picture

I totally get it great job!

The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!

Leslie

Thu, 2024-01-04 22:53

Leslie's picture

I totally get it great job!

The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!

kowque

Fri, 2024-01-05 04:39

kowque's picture

The pills suck even more :(

Koki

author comment

Ruby Lord

Fri, 2024-01-05 05:16

Ruby Lord's picture

Hi Koki, your final stanza hits home.

The pills.
They open doors.
They open windows.
They find holes in the walls.
They invite the fog in.

I loved the repetition, it highlights meaning in your poem. Great job, I enjoyed it. Ruby :) xx

Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.

kowque

Sat, 2024-01-06 07:55

kowque's picture

:)

Koki

author comment

Leslie

Sat, 2024-01-06 12:09

Leslie's picture

I thimk you are a super heroine!

The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.