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Daydreaming
Licking my dry lips
Daydreaming,of
When my heart will give out
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Sat, 2023-09-16 08:50
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
Thank you for sharing your poem titled "Daydreaming." I appreciate the opportunity to provide feedback.
The poem captures a moment of daydreaming and longing, focusing on the anticipation of when the heart will give out. The imagery of licking dry lips adds a sensory element to the poem, enhancing the reader's connection to the speaker's experience.
However, I would suggest considering ways to further develop and expand upon the theme and emotions in the poem. While the concept of daydreaming and the anticipation of something significant happening is intriguing, the poem could benefit from additional details or imagery to create a more vivid and engaging experience for the reader.
Consider exploring the reasons behind the daydreaming and the emotions associated with it. What is it that the speaker is yearning for? Is there a specific event or person that they are longing for? By delving deeper into these aspects, you can add layers of complexity and emotional depth to the poem.
Additionally, you may want to experiment with the structure
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Lavender
Mon, 2023-09-18 15:12
Daydreaming
Intense, but yet, soft. There is something to the rawness of the poem that is dignified. A remarkable private thought.
L
kowque
Sat, 2023-09-23 18:30
Thank you
For seeing the rawness.
Koki
Leslie
Fri, 2024-01-05 09:21
Daydreaming
We. daydream of similar things. I am sad for the both of us or angry
I don't know which.
The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!
kowque
Sat, 2024-01-06 18:27
Well...
We can be sad together. And also, at a point, be happy as well. Together :)
Koki
Leslie
Sat, 2024-01-06 23:12
kowque
Thanks for your comment. I totally agree!
The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!
kowque
Wed, 2024-01-10 01:21
Thank you
You are, awesome
Koki
Candlewitch
Tue, 2024-01-09 15:16
hello kowque,
What you have written here, sounds like a good beginning of a poem! Please add more? I would love to see it!
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
kowque
Wed, 2024-01-10 01:20
Noone tells you
Or warns you
That people you love
Can be taken away.
If time,is a state of being,
I want to be,and dance,
In the state when everyone
I love,
Is alive
And happy.
Cat,I don't know how to expand
On
This pain
(Hugs back)
I'll try :)
Koki
Candlewitch
Wed, 2024-01-10 04:25
Dear Koki,
I am so sorry for your pain! It is my hope that you find some relief soon. You produce beautiful poetry with your sorrow. I am gad you are here...
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.