I always been hurting
I serve the girls
and the girls are all through
the mill..all has issues
but I love em..they Love me
Im a hard man to understand
and live with
I wanted to understand my complex
mother...she had mental issues
probably bi polar and went through
a lot herself....
I refused to just write it off
i wanted to know
so I followed many on quests
costing me everything along
the way....

I take meds to sleep..be on the level
anti anxiety and like many
the old coping meds...booze
works....
well not really but U get the
meaning..

Motel rooms I lived in
there was one..
on a flat field landscape
highway was elevated
about a hundred feet
facing west from the
window...to the left a half
mile it went over a river..
beyond that was a half
mile of corn stalks to
the forest....old growth
windbreaks..
at dusk...the golden sun
time of day in winter..fall
the light would be behind
the trees
and all shadows of traffic
passing would come
through the little gap
in the curtians...
big black shadows racing
for trucks and the small
rounded ones for cars...
it was so cool....
and like four in the afternoon
on that highway it was the
busiest....
people driving in the country
from work....best time of day
to travel...
years later...I lived in an apartment
complex and would be so tired
from work I would just crash
on the floor...watching television
sometimes falling asleep
drifting in and out of sleep
and dreams...sober the motel
years and aparment times...
Years later..I was medicating
sometimes the floor for whatever
reason is the safest place...
maybe because as children
it is where we start from
so the angles....perspective
is comforting...I think anyway
The Love during...and then
loss..is change..very fearful
for many souls through hardships
and I did that for a time
I dont think Im alone!

thus this combined write of
many times in my life..
one lines...
getting this from twitter
they only allow so many
words...
and or advertisments
which I love..
gotta pack it all in
streamlined abstract

thank U!
Mr Wolf!

Was there this morning
cold...the lighting crisp
overcast slightly
with golden morning sunshine
hitting the hot color of the old brick
nothing open but Subway and
Dennis's store is expensive
The Burrito place across from
Tim Horton's is open
and he serves coffee for
a buck twenty five..
Thats cheap!!
and he is open first thing

I am an insomnia ridden person
following ideas....reading books
watching my three fave movies
over and over and over again
or..
figuring out the angles from
words...gestures..sayings of
people....and Brilliant people
all who have moved on..

Ambien Yes I saw the commercials
very appealing...and I do suppose
they work!

Downtown....of course!
was down there on the bike
cold..getting my bike unlocked
some kind of soviet techno song
on my hand held phone blasting
and a fellow talks to me
well hes staring down the street
waiting...I say hello suprised he
said anything...I talked to him
years ago..he was in a hurry
to take back his empties
really hard looking but tough as
shit...now years later hes all
north bay soft...we have this
look here...this feel..
But I come out with my shit
I had to get...and he folllows
me along....we stop right
on the corner and chat..
the basic of it..and he gave
me a smoke...really old school
and its a sign of respect
street and jail...
But just to stop and talk..
no one really does this
anymore...No time...
everyones in a rush..texting
cutting corners....an old
couple..eighty and seventy
crossed Algonquin by the
clinic and got hit bad..
they both died..traffic
is booking it right there...
no one waits....no one
looks..no one speaks...
bid him adieu
next street good..
but next street met a woman
off to her survivor meeting
she was like
They tell us to get over it
but how are we...
we cope...we exist..
no one takes us serious
I know
so in two blocks two radically
different people
and if I drifted about
the top brass sitting about
would have talked to
me.....People that
run big companies
hold stocks in the mall
or put together structures
big contractors...
big people...

thats me...
this is what I have always
done...
meet the people
gather intel
and band together my
wolves when I need
them and disband them
after
like nothing happened
at all

...