Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

etchling

you've drawn a line around my heart
my words cannot escape
but my dreams...

my dreams come cloaked in quiet rescue
whispering your name
like the promise of spring
riding the pale back of winter storms

i await their betrayal

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Re-reading works and letters from a dear old friend...our communications inspire some of my best works...I hope I have made him proud.
Editing stage: 

Comments

"i await their betrayal"

Should we really expect the worst?

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

Dreams are, at best, a paradoxical view of reality. So yes, in this case, they come to give me hope where no hope is due.

-Emarie

- Emarie ~ theladyblue

author comment

you've drawn a line around my heart
my words cannot escape

such a powerful image. reels one in - i want to know more about these words. I'm captivated!

Emotionally muted. The level of exhaustion over love where there are no words left that form a coherent thought when spoken aloud.

-Emarie

- Emarie ~ theladyblue

author comment

Betrayal is only immanent by nature. There is no greater lie than that we tell ourselves...

Thank you Mark!

-Emarie

- Emarie ~ theladyblue

author comment

to one day achieve the brevity so well displayed here

I like snapshot poetry. Kind of like polaroids.

Thank you Scribbler!

- Emarie ~ theladyblue

author comment

This was an awesome poem. Short enough to be sweet and long enough to be a masterpiece. I await their betrayal too so why not start another poem beginning with this you could make a beauty. Congratulations on a fine poem.

I am actually working on piecing together all of these snapshot style poems into a series. I have a few more and will be posting them. There is a follow up to this piece but it almost seems to drag it too far. It's been a while since I have visited my poetic side. As it is still a work in progress, I may post it here, as I have another in the series that needs work. Constantly tightening and loosening the screws ever so slightly....

Thank you so much for your lovely feedback!

-Emarie

- Emarie ~ theladyblue

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.