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The Downfall
Your hands built me
And now they break me
Your words taught me
And now they taunt me
Your eyes held love
Now they've gone dark
Your arms held me
And now they push me back
Your heart loved me
And now there's nothing left
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words:
This came from trying to write a completely different poem, I guess you never know when inspiration will hit you. I wasn't sure about a title though. Any suggestions?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Eduardo Cruz
Fri, 2012-03-30 10:34
simplicity,
the turmoils of love, Yes then no.
I recognize it and have felt it.
a bit cliche, but good rymthm.
Eddie
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
AuroraBorealis
Sun, 2012-04-01 15:15
Thank you!
Thanks for commenting!
author commentAnnaNJ
Fri, 2012-03-30 13:38
Wow
I really liked it. You could be talking about a lot of different subjects (i.e. friend, lover, family member..) and that's what makes it so relate-able. When I read it, I was able to think about people in my own life which is what I look for in poetry.
AuroraBorealis
Sun, 2012-04-01 15:16
Thanks!
I'm glad you liked it, and I'm glad it was relate-able. :)
author comment