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dose he?
<p>drifting off to sleep holding hands I find myself wondering. would he miss me or my body more Does he like me or the idea that he can help me or does he just want to use me till he can get someone better as I start to drift away I wonder does he really like me ?</p>
Style / type:
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity):
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
i am on the spectrum and i also over think so i for the life of me cant tell if this guy likes me or not
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Rosewood Apothecary
Tue, 2022-12-20 06:37
Welcome to Neopoet
These are some serious questions posed here. I read you last few words as well and I imagine that can complicate the formation of relationships. I’m glad you found us. With your permission I’d ask some questions about your poem, like boring technical stuff. I’m curious about the “eastern structured” type and I’m wondering if maybe it got reformatted. Having said that I really like the pace and rhythm. It feels like it breathes to me, like an internal monologue. All these questions are pretty standard for anyone in a relationship and they’re scary because we give so much of ourselves.
I like the title is good but “Does He?” I’m assuming that’s a simple typo.
Welcome again and nice work,
Tim
Geezer
Tue, 2022-12-20 09:35
Hello Blue Goose...
Tim is one of our best in commenting and critique, and I agree with everything that he has said. I get the feeling that you are not all that familiar with posting on a poetry site. I love your thought process here. You are right to ask those questions. We all do. I think that if you look around at the poetry you find here, you will discover how to format these things so that they are more appealing to the eye, and easier to read. I'm sure that you will get the hang of it. I have been married to the same woman for over thirty years, but your piece brought me back to the first of our relationship and those thoughts as we lay next to each other in the night. I can't wait to see what you bring us next! Thanks for sharing. ~ Geezer.
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Lavender
Tue, 2022-12-20 20:29
Does He?
Greetings, blue goose!
I will agree that these are normal, frightening questions we all ask ourselves, especially at the beginning of a relationship. Time will tell, but I also believe there are "gut" feelings and intuitions that help guide us, too. I look forward to reading more of your work.
Thank you, and welcome!
Lavender