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The Day We First Met...

Submitted by Alan Garfoot on Sat, 2023-07-22 11:52

The day that they first met,
The most beautiful girl ever,
In poised contemplation,
Whose energy just cried,
Somebody please love me,
For who I really truly am,
And not the surface you see.
And a broken hearted hero,
Who had always dreamed,
Of a pure and true real love,
Between two unique souls.
Through subtle divine energy,
Their sublime souls touched,
And their essences connected.
And from that sunny day on.
They pursued their ideals,
And the inspirational energy,
That was shared in their hope.
To become their inner selves,
In the realisation of their dreams.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
July 2023 Challenge Once upon a time
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Sat, 2023-07-22 17:52

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "The Day They First Met..." explores the theme of love and the desire for a genuine connection between two individuals. The use of imagery and emotions in the poem effectively conveys the longing for acceptance and understanding.

The poem begins with a strong opening line, "The day that they first met," which immediately captures the reader's attention and sets the stage for the narrative. The description of the girl as "the most beautiful girl ever" adds a sense of admiration and sets her apart from others.

The line "In poised contemplation" suggests a sense of introspection and depth in the girl's character. It portrays her as someone who is thoughtful and reflective.

The phrase "Somebody please love me, for who I really truly am, and not the surface you see" expresses a desire for genuine love and acceptance. It emphasizes the importance of seeing beyond superficial appearances and connecting on a deeper level.

The mention of the "broken-hearted hero" who dreams of a pure

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Lavender

Sun, 2023-07-23 21:46

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Hello, Alan,
Another fantastic title that brought me in. I think this is a pretty great start to realizing and appreciating a pretty great love. "Their essences connected" - apparently for the first true time in either of their lives. I'm wanting to feel the strong pull between them, I'm wanting the day to be more than sunny - but sense that it is truly glorious and life changing. I can feel so much here, but it's just right below the surface. I'll read this one again.
Thank you!
L

Alan Garfoot

Mon, 2023-07-31 15:16

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thankyou for the appreciation x

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