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Credo
Credo
As someone born in this great land
it’s time to rise and take a stand
tell one and all just how I feel
about the things I know are real
you cannot kill what does not die
and faith in God is not a lie
Democracy is not a crutch
America was built on such
working for the things you need
was not designed to make you bleed
but give you pride and purpose too
in anything you choose to do
truth and fairness must be tools
employed by those who make the rules
if not, than it is up to us
to speak our piece and raise a fuss
fighting for your country’s flag
should be an honor, not a drag
for all you are or what you’ll be
depends upon you staying free
those who wish to join our cause
should do so by obeying laws
don’t expect a helping hand
for trespassing on someone’s land
in closing, let me shout this loud
I am American, and proud
once a soldier, still a man
living life the best I can
C. Lon R. Bruso
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Last few words:
Knowing I'm sure to be flayed alive for posting this, I do so anyway! Let the vitriol run rampant, and the liberals flail around in apoplexy! I believe what I believe, it is my right to do so, and everyone who dislikes it can kiss my poetic posterior! LOL!!
Editing stage:
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Comments
Geezer
Mon, 2015-07-20 18:01
Anyone who...
disagrees with this must have a heart of stone! I believe that every word you have written is true and from the heart of a man who has served his country as was asked of him. Never mind those who would trample the rights of others to foster their own beliefs and keep on making a fuss! This country needs those who are not afraid of not being politically-correct and just being who they are! ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Lonnie
Mon, 2015-07-20 18:22
Thank you sir Gee!
It's good to know I have at least one supporter for this little rant of mine! Glad you enjoyed it!
author commentweirdelf
Mon, 2015-07-20 19:20
I only disagree with3 minor points
(you can quess what they are) but it doesn't matter.
The simplicity of the structure enhances the power of the piece. Well written sir..
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Roscoe Lane
Tue, 2015-07-21 00:28
A country,
A country should be judged on the way it treats it's citizens, and i'm afraid most countrys at the moment are failing badly. Austerity should be a shared thing if at all, but it's always the poorest who suffer. Good poem though i disagree slightly with your views i respect them and admire your honesty. Regards Roscoe...
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
Eduardo Cruz
Tue, 2015-07-21 09:49
Lonnie
As a brother in arms, I say that you have captured the feeling of most Americans.
what's going on isn't right
It is time to stand and fight
This is the only line I do not like,
"faith in God is not a lie"
I just feel when we go to battle
faith in God does not make a difference
what does make a difference is to stand as one voice
and not interjecting any of our own beliefs.
this battle is for the love of country only
even non- believers in God
Love this country of ours
So lets keep our ranks strong
with humans who belief in freedom of choice.
According to the Bible
the greatest gift God gave was choice
from the very first God gave Adam and Eve
the choice to eat or not from the tree of life
The path they took was of their own doing.
lets continue with that premise
that choice is the most important thing we have
and if it is wrong or right its still ours
let the choice of freedom ring for everyone
Eddie
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
Lonnie
Tue, 2015-07-21 12:46
My thanks to Elf, Eddie, and Roscoe
Your feedback is most welcome and gratefully appreciated!
author commentEsker
Tue, 2015-07-21 20:31
spoken with heart eloquence and belief!
there are those who rise
and those who stand back
because their fear over rides
or they just are not the required stuff
to "belong"
i thought about joining the military but
a crazy stint would have forever blocked
me from many jobs...
i knew it then..
but then i knew my mind was not cut
out for the pressures that others can
manage
But I look up to those that did it..
took up the task and I like nationalism
or belief for your country tribe
each country has its own darkness about
how it treats its people throughout the
past....so one cannot point fingers
without knowing in your heart your own
origins of land and its issues...
but this poem is sweet...and it relfects how
money greatly just puts aside the pride
I like how the author is not truly bitter but
taking it on the nose and going forward
in the most positive way!!!
thank U Lonnie!! for being a poet and Friend!!
Mr Esker!
Lonnie
Tue, 2015-07-21 22:11
Thank you Stephen!
Your words are twice welcome because I know that they come from your heart and are not just some trite BS. I deeply appreciate your kindness and your friendship!
author comment