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Constellations of Fear

Submitted by Rosewood Apothecary on Sat, 2023-07-01 03:20

Lost in the sound of loneliness
Sailing the straits of despair
Searching for landfall that cannot exist
Navigation by constellations of fear

Too many days and nights at the helm
No course laid, an aimless charade
Never I find a harbor that’s safe
This ocean of thoughts by which I’m betrayed

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Geezer

Sat, 2023-07-01 15:01

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and the first lines take me right to the heart of the piece.
I do believe that the proper spelling of "straights" in this case, would be [straits].
Your last line just doesn't gel for me; depending on which way you meant it, I would use either [delayed or betrayed].
Otherwise, the meaning of the whole is pretty obvious. I understand how lonely it can be, when no one either gets it
or cares. Or maybe we just care too much about what others think? No matter, I feel you. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Rosewood Apothecary

Sat, 2023-07-01 17:44

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The act of belaying I rope around a cleat or mooring, or a general stop command. Nautical. Obsolete usage is more like the laying of a trap or a siege that’s archaic and I do love that old language.

For the purposes of this poem it’s overboard (pun intended). I like betrayed and yes, it’s straits.

Good job with that critique.
Tim

P.S. Dead and Company was astonishing. I consider it a perfect performance.

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