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Confidential (Mindful Memorable #4)
Before you
I was blind
I crawled and cried
as a child
my thoughts
were mere doubts,
inner shouts
that howled
and ground my awe
until when
you intruded
and diluted
my heart
in the world
of words' art
and in you.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Comments
judyanne
Mon, 2012-09-10 06:38
rula – this is awesome
rula – this is awesome
i really like the allusion to st paul’s letter in the first stanza
it sets it up perfectly for the strong feelings the persona has for this particular person or society
my only suggestion
‘and grind my awe’ – I’d make ‘grind’ ‘ground’ – to fit the tense of the rest of the stanza
very memorable in my book – especially the finish, the whole last stanza
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
Rula
Mon, 2012-09-10 10:05
Not aware of
St. Paul's letter dear Judy.
But I am really happy that you found this one memorable and you like it.
Very much appreciate the time for reading and commenting.Thanks again.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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