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Cigarettes and heaven
We fight, we beg and plead for gran
To quit that habit and live a long life span
America's future nurses we heard all the risk of cancer
She either lies or smiles and doesn't give us an answer
Later she says she’ll quit for sure
At the same time she lights it behind the balcony door
The smell of smoke rids the air you can see the look in her face
Nana is still smokin in her favorite place
The grandkids are angry, feel helpless, and betrayed
Nana keeps lying about the habit that she made
We know if it continues, it’ll be too late
And her life will be shorten by her own mistake
Nana please don't lie, the reaper said health is on the line
If you want to live to see your grandkids grow up fine
You can't keep this a secret, it's not right?
Listen to your grandkids, kill that cigarette tonight
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Comments
neopoet
Sun, 2023-09-10 18:41
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Cigarettes and Heaven" explores the frustration and concern of the speaker towards their grandmother's smoking habit. The poem effectively conveys the emotional impact of the situation and the plea for the grandmother to quit smoking.
One suggestion for improvement is to consider the use of more vivid and descriptive language. This can help to create a stronger sensory experience for the reader and enhance the emotional impact of the poem. For example, instead of saying "The smell of smoke rids the air," you could try using more evocative language to describe the scent of smoke and its effect on the atmosphere.
Additionally, it would be beneficial to further develop the theme of "Cigarettes and Heaven" and explore the consequences of the grandmother's smoking habit in more depth. This could involve delving into the potential health risks and the impact it has on the relationship between the grandmother and her grandkids. By expanding on these aspects, you can create a more nuanced and impactful portrayal of the situation.
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Geezer
Sun, 2023-09-10 14:20
Thinking...
of Gran. Please don't be too hard on her, it's likely that she has had a lifetime of smoking. I started when I was 12 years old.
Back then, if you could reach the counter with the money, they would give them to you. "You ain't smoking these are you kid?"
Oh no, they're for my father. "Ok, here ya go." Some people have no trouble at all giving them up, but some,[like me], had a very bad time of it. I didn't quit until I COULDN'T do it anymore, I coughed and almost threw up after being in the hospital for three weeks. Yeah, they told me I was going to die if I didn't give them up, [the first couple of times I was in the hospital].
But the addiction was worse than the thought of dying. Your title is good, [made me want to read it]. I think you are looking for the word [rides] not rids.
Your language use is plain and easy to understand.
the theme runs well throughout the piece, but the rhythm is a bit ragged. I would add or delete words to make the lines the same syllable count. It is not enough that your lines rhyme, but they should be of the same syllable count to make it flow better. Welcome to Neo. ~ Geezer.
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