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Church
My tears well up as the children play,
one flapping a page to have her say.
Her angel wings, her hair like hay.
The host is raised and we stand to pray.
A little old man, hunchbacked and poor
drops his wafer on the floor.
A handsome woman gives him one more;
his body broken and we stand to pray.
The priest says 'fire' a lot, then more.
I saw one like him in Singapore;
reading the Vedas, keeping score.
No wine that time and we stand to pray.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Rosewood Apothecary
Sat, 2022-10-29 17:39
Welcome to Neopoet
Having been raised Catholic I understand this intimately.
I love the rhythm, it is really crisp and it’s original.
Keep writing!
Tim
RAH
Mon, 2022-10-31 13:41
Church
Thanks for your comment.
author commentRay Whitaker
Mon, 2022-10-31 18:29
Yes, Welcome to the website
I like this poem, it finds good company here on Neopoet.
Looking forward to reading more of your work!
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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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RAH
Mon, 2022-10-31 18:53
this
Thanks for ypur comment, I was on Neopoet several years ago, don't write so much now (75 and getting older) but like to critique and be involved.
author comment