horse was otto
for autopilot
my women were the sidekicks
they could get in to places
but i was the entrance voice
and the draw

epic times

and the rest were just as interesting
are...as interesting as I

present woman upstairs listening to some
kick ass rock and roll....we got speakers hooked
up...i got mine on the tower set up here in my man
area and she works from the couch with laptop
I do like her music
90's hard rock when she was raising her kids
alone with friends help and fam occasional
back up..the fierce irish prussian in em'

i remember knocking on a door once
they said who is it
and I said me
and they opened it

it went well

perfume is nice...the women i
accompanied or they me
had expensive ones
or small little collector bottles
Bunni had many of these
shipped off stateside to a collector
so like U Ian the diplomat and heart
for sharing and re collecting

scents..smells I like due to the chemical
composition of its structure mixing with
the individuals..and combinations of
soaps...shampoo..conditioner..cedar
closet..rose oil..incense....work.
etc.....it becomes more with the dilution
of contacts in environments

D-ward was where I often ended up
after ICU or in second last admittance
CCU..but I survived
hospital is huge..modern..like a spacial
musuem..suffering with heating costs
budget cuts..four hundred let go since
it opened a few years ago..full of its
turmoil over concerns with its size..
and about fifty more to be let go this
season....

i vow to not go back in there
toughing it out

my mother was crazy..cruel and loving
probably bi polar...she would hug and
then with red sharp nails with strong
hands dig them into our ribs...
my daughter whom she babysat wanted
to have her ears pierced and my mother
laughing took those claws behind and
front of lobe and pinched....this is what
it will feel like...
in a strange way she was a super realist
teaching me without me having to find out
the hard way that love had its claws
that nothing is certian and every emotion
costs
my girls the first ones understand why im
so crazy...if not like my birth mother who
was a true pirate....and who i met..

so I get pretty skittish with any contact
freezing up with the hugs
only in past years since giving up
letting anyone hug me
yet...to be giving of service
that was different..it was like working
on them....for them
they were like sculptures...exotic
tamed wild creatures to examine
soothe
had my times..the thrown coffee cups
broken plates..knives...fists when they
got frustrated...all of them were from
mighty beginnings of lineage
thus my tilting at windmills
between jobs the horse...the drive
to just do it..who else would could
like me...i would just drift in the over
exhaustion..often like writing
then the nightmares were not so bad
it was the stress of then
not so much anything else went on
that broke me over and over
but lately im holding on

still dont know..or think i will find
a peace like some do
but im content with what i have
along the way
I have an uncanny ability to just
fall into the moment
and when need be lead
for business
although they insist to make
happiness in my troubled
day to day
coming into the ruin as i call it
to put their name..their mark
a chapter in my life

i can walk it..the civil to the
uncivil
wraith wretched wanderer
wonderful

still enjoying the fantastic
gifts u sent
we are going to make up
something to send
we vow

i have no great abilities
other then voice which lulls
and soothes them
or agitates them
but my hands have worked
with much
like poetry

still haunted...probably till
that day of rest but in meantime
i find purpose in doing what i
can out here

and ive crafted a little pack
i write..
a pretty bitching activated
bunch....great intel
and moments

such is the simple joy
of existance

well much housework to
do....
and im off to it..

thank U Ian

Steven!

I hated it Ian...going point....
everyone survived my bad choices cause I had no experience then
hell I was twenty nine? only hit the road months before..
they didnt doubt me
I did..

I laugh at my brilliant interlopers today....middle of the pack
I tell them.....ha ha..U SWING YOUR CHAIN..U KNOW YER GONNA HIT SOMEONE
..make it worth their while..
they dont smile..cause I hit the nail on the head

I was in bars and walking up too..or they would walk up to me..the guy who had
elbow room in a packed bar...you worked intel
off time..U go into a company bar
whats that dude up too with elbow room
U know
for the men and women to the left and right
to chat..digress..confess...relieve of the
stress of being a warrior....etc..
I was not a priest per say
but my native face helped...
my grey creepy ass eyes
and anyway.....somehow i understood
and helped many
and somehow being in the middle of
some hot rod bar helped me
...
yes....i was in amongst all the alphas
and they trusted me
and somehow i knew what they were
saying..
and they in turn helped me
but then..u know worked military
intel
know more then just the ordinary
happy stories

I am happy Ian we meet up now
U are right
I am alpha...but like a fallen angle
star..angel..I love walking on the
street level
...

thank U ian
and hope the best for U and
your missus
we think of U often and the
children are here with us
and the sand dollars
thank U kind warrior Knight!

Mr Wolf!