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C R U C I A L F L A G G E L A N C E

Submitted by Esker on Mon, 2012-03-19 08:16

we whip dead horses
frenzy dance
in damp clay t rance

the sparrow tree with
its death fingers stroking
a bitter blue
a greater hue

broken soul
fragments corner
like a wheel broken
like a wagon token

carrying beneath
the load of rain
forgotten pains

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Candlewitch

Mon, 2012-03-19 11:55

Candlewitch's picture
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I do so admire how eloquence flows from your pen like healing waters into a crystal clear blue pool. My favorite lines are:

broken soul
fragments corner
like a wheel broken
like a wagon token

carrying beneath
the load of rain
forgotten pains

but maybe you could make it a fractured, or shattered or ruined soul, because you have already used broken two lines later. Just a suggestion.

always, Cat

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Esker

Mon, 2012-03-19 14:47

Esker's picture

in many of my poems I notice I write often the same word twice
this occurs in about a two month cycle...Ive been going to Google
my fave search engine to words to compliment or have the same
meaning more and more and on my home computer I have the
spell check which shows incorrect words in red.....I just keep punching
in random letters or drop the word completely when I cannot write
it Right.. this forces me to get to know how to spell correctly after
years of being out of grade school....I should work at putting in editing
on my poems..Thank You for your suggestions!

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