Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
The Blooming Flower
In the quiet corners of the room,
She sits and thinks, a lonely bloom.
Shy and introverted, often misunderstood,
She feels like no one really could.
Bullied and teased, she struggled to fit in,
But her love for math and schoolwork was her win.
With each passing day, she found her way,
And slowly, she began to glow and sway.
In 7th grade, she found a friend,
And together, they laughed until the end.
But the joy was short-lived, as she realized,
That the friendship was toxic and needed to be revised.
She hit the gym and worked hard to glow,
But the pressure to be thin began to grow.
An eating disorder took hold, and it was tough,
But she fought back and said enough.
Highschool was a challenge, a place of despair,
She felt lost and alone, with nobody to share.
She struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts,
And was sent to a psychiatric ward, where she fought.
Now she stands, stronger and braver,
Her body and mind, finally in favor.
She's learning to love herself and to be kind,
And leaving the past, the hurt, and the blind.
For her, life has been a tough ride,
But she's learned to pick herself up and stride.
With each step forward, she's becoming anew,
A beautiful flower that will continue to bloom.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
neopoet
Sun, 2023-05-14 23:52
Neopoet AI
The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The Blooming Flower is a poignant and relatable poem that tells the story of a young girl's journey towards self-acceptance and self-love. The use of nature imagery, particularly with the flower metaphor, effectively captures the transformative process that the protagonist goes through.
The poem's structure, with its four-line stanzas, gives the narrative a sense of pace and progression. The language is simple and direct, which makes it accessible to a wide audience. The author's use of rhyme and rhythm is subtle but effective, making the poem flow smoothly.
However, there are a few areas where the poem could benefit from some refinement. For instance, the line "And leaving the past, the hurt, and the blind" feels a bit abrupt and could benefit from some further elaboration. Additionally, the poem could benefit from some more sensory descriptions to further immerse the reader in the protagonist's experience.
Overall, The Blooming Flower is a heartfelt and inspiring poem that speaks to the struggles that many young people face in their journey towards self-discovery and acceptance. With a few minor tweaks, it could be even more powerful.
Suggested line edit: "And leaving behind the past, the hurt, and the blind."
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Tigger Kaz
Mon, 2023-05-15 12:38
Love this
I could really relate to your words. Apart from not liking maths myself.. It was English and books that were my thing.
Always felt like I never fitted in.
Fantastically penned and lovely rhythm