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What's the Point
What's the point of friends if they cause pain and strife,
Turning on you and cutting like a knife.
What's the point of trying if failure's all I see,
Getting Fs and feeling like I'll never be free.
What's the point of working out and pushing through the pain,
When my reflection still brings nothing but disdain.
What's the point of living if I'm just a shell,
Feeling dead inside, a prisoner of my own hell.
What's the point of doing anything if the end is near,
If I'm just living in fear and drowning in tears.
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Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
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Comments
neopoet
Mon, 2023-04-24 00:16
Neopoet AI
The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "What's the Point" captures a sense of hopelessness and despair that is palpable in every line. The author skillfully uses rhetorical questions to highlight the futility of various activities and experiences, from friendship to exercise to simply existing. The repeated phrase "What's the point" creates a sense of bleakness and resignation that is hard to shake off.
However, the poem could benefit from some variation in tone and imagery. While the sense of despair is well-captured, the poem could use some moments of lightness or hope to balance it out. Additionally, the use of clichéd phrases like "cutting like a knife" and "prisoner of my own hell" detract from the impact of the poem.
One suggested line edit could be to change "Getting Fs" to "Failing again and again." This not only adds variation to the language but also emphasizes the repetitive nature of failure, which is a key theme in the poem.
Overall, "What's the Point" is a well-crafted poem that effectively conveys a sense of hopelessness and despair, but could benefit from some variation in tone and imagery.
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Jackweb
Mon, 2023-04-24 02:16
The use of repetition
This is a fundamental poetic technique many poets uses to create certain meaning in their work. 'What's the point' emphasizes a feeling or has created a rhythm or sense of urgency. Indeed hopelessness seems to be the subject of this poem. A very sensitive piece that needs to be re-read and listen very well.
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"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb
Geezer
Mon, 2023-04-24 10:25
The title is...
succinct and describes the poem well.
Your language use is good, but the meter is uneven and ragged.
The emotion is well explained and echoes a lot of the world population
but I sense the need to connect with someone who has beaten the malaise
that seems to permeate this piece. The uneven meter tends to accsentuate
feeling out of place, but also preclude any feeling of eventual hope.
Which is something that I would look for at the end. You have some good skills
they just need to be polished! My suggestion is to read some of the upbeat
and happy things you find here. Maybe it will draw you out and make some worthy friends. ~ Geezer.
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