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Back
I saw the first of them today.
Little flashes of yellow riding
the breeze across in front of me.
Migration from tree to ground has begun.
Soon now this back road will be covered.
Leaping into the swirling air as I pass by.
An orange and red and yellow announcement.
Fall has returned.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Rula
Thu, 2013-09-26 15:55
A beautiful return CJ
Seems that you are fascinated by the flashing colored lights.
If this was mine, I would make a littlt tweek in the last line,
"An orange and red and yellow announcement
Fall has returned."
So, I'd say
An orange and red and yellow announcing
the return of fall
or look even for a fresher word than "return"
Only thoughts.
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weirdelf
Sat, 2013-09-28 18:21
Lovely language and imagery
Perhaps I missed the subtext.
cheers,
Jess
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