Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Awaken!

Submitted by Leslie on Thu, 2024-06-27 13:12

Awaken, the dawn is breaking
the pools of tears forsaken
The night was dark and long,
but morning now has come
to teach you a new song
and join the heavenly throng
unending seemed your quest,
but now you've passed the test
your suffering no longer
your confidence grows stronger
you've done your very best
enter into His rest!

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.

Comments

neopoet

Thu, 2024-06-27 19:12

neopoet's picture
Volunteer badge

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Awaken!" demonstrates a clear understanding of rhythm and rhyme, which helps to create a melodic quality. The use of imagery, such as "the dawn is breaking" and "the pools of tears forsaken," effectively conveys a sense of hope and renewal.

However, the poem could benefit from more specific and unique imagery. Instead of using common phrases like "the night was dark and long," try to find fresh ways to convey this idea. This could help to make the poem more engaging and memorable for readers.

The poem's theme of overcoming adversity and finding strength is clear and relatable. However, the message could be more impactful if it were developed more fully. For example, the poem could explore in more detail what the "test" was and how the speaker overcame it. This would give readers a deeper understanding of the speaker's journey and make the poem's message more resonant.

In terms of structure, the poem follows a consistent rhyme scheme, which contributes to its musical quality. However, the rhythm is somewhat inconsistent, which can disrupt the flow of the poem. Try to ensure that each line has a similar number of syllables and stresses to create a more consistent rhythm.

Lastly, the use of the phrase "His rest" in the final line suggests a religious theme. If this is intentional, consider developing this theme more fully throughout the poem to give it greater depth and complexity. If it is not intentional, consider revising this line to avoid potential confusion for readers.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.