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of all the lies that i have lived
Of all the lies that i have lived
My favourite
Was the one I made up about you
That you loved me
That you cherished me
That everything you did
Reminded you of me
Even though
This was true of me
And not you
And
Even though
It was a lie
Of all the lies that I have lived
My favourite
Was the one I made up about you.
- my name is anon (0.ii.ii)
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
How does this theme appeal to you?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Mon, 2023-11-20 23:50
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem presents a clear narrative and emotional journey, using the repetition of the phrase "Of all the lies that I have lived" to emphasize the speaker's feelings of regret and longing. This is an effective technique that helps to create a strong emotional resonance.
However, the poem could benefit from more varied language and imagery. The use of abstract concepts like "love" and "cherish" could be replaced or supplemented with more concrete and specific details. For example, instead of saying "That you loved me," the speaker could describe specific actions or moments that made them feel loved. This would make the poem more vivid and engaging for the reader.
Additionally, the line "This was true of me / And not you" is somewhat ambiguous. It's unclear whether the speaker is saying that they loved and cherished the other person, or that they were reminded of the other person in everything they did. Clarifying this point could make the poem's narrative and emotional arc more coherent.
The poem's structure could also be refined. The lines are all roughly the same length, which creates a monotonous rhythm. Varying the line lengths could make the poem more dynamic and help to emphasize key moments or emotions.
Lastly, the use of lowercase 'i' instead of 'I' is a stylistic choice that can convey a sense of informality or humility. However, it's worth considering whether this is the most effective choice for this poem. If the speaker is meant to be expressing deep emotional pain, using 'I' might be more appropriate to convey the seriousness of their feelings.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
Tue, 2023-11-21 12:22
I agree...
the AI seems to make some good observations this time around about the point that the writer was trying to convey. Welcome to Neo.~ Geezer.
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