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Ain't Done Travelin' Yet
you ask what i have said and done
you ask if i had grief or fun
you ask if i have found youth's fountain
you ask have i climbed the sacred mountain
i've sat with the man in the lonely cave
i've sat in a place without a slave
i've sat on a star with aphrodite
i've sat with the lowly and the mighty
i've heard rivers north west east south
i've heard the blood pour from each mouth
i've heard that blood run through the street
i've heard nails pounded into feet
i've placed on unsure things a bet
and i ain't done travel'in yet
i've been to the garden and tasted its fruits
i've been known to waste time in useless pursuits
i've been some things that i knew i shouldn't
i've been some things that i thought i couldn't
i've see stone statues cry real tears
i've seen earth turn a million years
i've seen a jewel inside a rock
i've seen a secret door unlock
i've said kind words to ears unkind
i've said what really was on my mind
i've said some silly things in youth
i've said now older just the truth
i've witnessed starved men share their bread
i've witness the starving dogs they fed
i've witnessed hand-me-downs and hands uplifted
i've witnessed those lacking and those gifted
i've felt lands parched and flooded wet
and i ain't done travelin' yet
you know what i have done and said
you know the books i haven't read
you know the words that i have spoken
you know that these are just a token
of what i really want to say
of what i want to give away
of what i remembered to forget
and i ain't done travelin' yet
inspiration: bob dylan
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Geezer
Thu, 2020-03-26 10:48
I was...
tempted to say that there are too many I've s, but maybe not, after all, this is about you. I like the added sense of traveling and
I'm not done yet. You see the humanity in our species and in the seventh stanza. Nice work and a sort of sing-song quality to it. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
cathy mccormick
Fri, 2020-03-27 08:49
thanks. written for a
thanks. written for a challenge on anaphora with dylan's a hard rains a gonna fall as inspiration
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