Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

After Dinner Mints

Submitted by Rosewood Apothecary on Thu, 2022-10-06 16:47

All the noise and clamor blares
The brink is close at hand
Even on my best of days
It’s more than I can stand

I throw myself upon the coals
The dinners and the baths
Bickering through homework now
The science and the maths

One day I’ll kill the car seat
Cold blooded, first degree
Those f**king things for thirteen years
My back just simply won’t agree

Crass overstimulation
So now I’ll isolate
Perhaps just far enough away
That I can finally concentrate

I’m holding on to something
I’m waiting now for you
I’m looking back on younger days
Blissful youth when we were two

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Last few words: 
I know now why my parents were agitated
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Lavender

Fri, 2022-10-07 10:46

Lavender's picture
Volunteer badge

Hi, Tim,
Those days are long gone for me, but you brought it all back! I can hear the chatter and bustling noises, and feel the high energy. Your rhyme is tight, and your theme is consistent. Wonderful title! A great sense of humor during times that can push us over the edge!
Thank you!
L

Geezer

Fri, 2022-10-07 16:16

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

almost never have enough time to artistic, if you know what I mean, especially if you have children. I agree that your rhyme is tight, the theme is one that almost anyone of us knows and you have mastered the moment. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.