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Adrift
I awoke one morning
expecting the rain
but to my surprise
not a drop had came
I ran outside
to search the sky
and found out for myself
exactly why
Straining my eyes
as it float softly down
and an instant smile
took over my frown
Landing at my feet
i stepped onto
grabbing the hand of this man
wondering what he
intended to do
He held me tight
steady we went
and i felt so secure
as the cloud was adrift
Saying no words
his heart told me all
suspended in flight
he now calls me doll
In this place of
happy times
he whispered in my ear
honey, welcome to
cloud 9
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
These are my stories written through rhyme. They are personal experiences between each fork in my road of life as i mature. I left home at the age of twelve and i am now 49.
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Rosewood Apothecary
Tue, 2022-08-02 05:30
Good title
I always loved that word. What are we all but adrift. The images that word conjures are almost limitless. In fact, if we are all adrift in time it would be quite infinite. I loved this poem. The ethereal quality to the language is really tangible, it’s a good metaphor for that lightness we feel.
Great poem,
Tim
readmymuze
Wed, 2022-08-03 10:23
Thank you for your comment.
Thank you for your comment. It is appreciated.
author commentGeezer
Tue, 2022-08-02 09:55
I love the story...
though it seems a bit fragmented. I don't see where the tale brings in the man. Did you leave out a verse or two? I would expect to see a cloud float down and a man operating it/ introducing himself etc. ~ Geezer.
.
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readmymuze
Wed, 2022-08-03 10:21
Reply
Thank you for your comment. At the moment the cloud landed at my feet, "i grabbed the hand of this man" this is the poem in it's entirety.
author commentGeezer
Wed, 2022-08-03 10:25
Okay...
I get it. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.