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Origami Heart
Roll the dice of life
And place your biggest bet against my heart
Take the world by its hand and make it right
Remake it from the start
Long lost birds symbolize hope
That you would be back some day
But paper promises burn and flake away
Dying ashes lay out in patterns I can’t understand
Tell me the truth about the Promised Land
This blue vase holds your ashes
I wish I could put you back together again
Time was gone and then came back
Your origami heart was so fragile
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Comments
lou
Tue, 2011-08-09 06:48
Hi
I enjoyed this poem, the theme of longing for a loved one to return, hooked me in. I liked the first two lines the most, perfect imagery. I also like the title very much.
But may be you could tweak line 4 a little, maybe you could say' The lost birds of hope'? Whatever you decide , it is a good poem.
Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!