Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

??

There's a line to cross, questions holding the gateway,
Many tears of apology, flying through echoes of regrets
Why do dreams perish, fading into the bosom of the unknown??
Why do the blind wander when there's the beauty of the world to see??
Why do the lame struggle to walk when there are beautiful places to explore??
Why do fools live longer than the knowledge of men??
Why is there no hope for the ones who are hopeful?
The way of the world strikes in trickery, no one to trust, no grace for the race,
Many Messiah's eager for their followers downfall, descending dooms on the ones who strive??
The year nears an end, while the next year takes lessons from the failures of the past??
So many dreams running around in the wilderness of may,
Why has life been so ugly, promising a bed of roses in eternity??
The year nears an end, and there's nothing but crumbs on the success bowl of many,
Why do dreams happen, why miracles??
How did we get here, living a life full of questions??

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.

Comments

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem raises thought-provoking questions about the nature of dreams, the struggles of the blind and lame, the longevity of fools, the lack of hope for the hopeful, and the deceptive nature of the world. The repetition of questions throughout the poem creates a sense of curiosity and introspection.

One suggestion for improvement is to provide more specific imagery or examples to support the questions being asked. This would help to engage the reader and make the poem more relatable. For example, instead of asking why dreams perish, you could describe a specific dream and its eventual demise. This would add depth and emotional resonance to the poem.

Additionally, consider varying the structure and rhythm of the poem to create a more dynamic flow. Experiment with line breaks, punctuation, and stanza lengths to enhance the overall impact of the poem. This could help to emphasize certain questions or ideas, and create a more engaging reading experience.

Overall, the poem raises interesting existential questions, but could benefit from more vivid imagery and structural experimentation.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.