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Sunku ( The Dance)
tonight we dance
silken touch
eyes lock
tonight we feed
savored taste
bite soft
tonight we sleep
dreamer you
I, too
Editing stage:
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Comments
Geezer
Wed, 2018-02-28 03:08
I see...
that you have the form right; except that you have the lines in the wrong order. I really like the hint of vampirism included. A new member of the Darkside?
~ Geezer.
.
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raj
Wed, 2018-02-28 05:41
Yes...Geezer is right...in
Yes...Geezer is right...in the context of Sunku lines of your stanzas are upside down and need to be turned 180 degrees
raj (sublime_ocean)
vandiemenspeak
Thu, 2018-03-01 05:02
An inverted Sunku...
The mountain upside down! I quite like it in this form, although I know it's not strictly the form, I sense the bite. I'll have a look at this workshop, thank you.
Cheers,
Chris.
Chris Hall - Tasmania
Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.
IRiz
Sat, 2018-03-03 22:27
Sounds like an important
Sounds like an important evening you are having there. Anti-sunku looks good.
IRiz