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Rescued
Shatter thy ceiling
Escape through the starry night
Drown in dreams within
Style / type:
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
Trying out haiku.
Trying not to rhyme!
Editing stage:
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Comments
wesley snow
Sun, 2017-06-18 12:33
Haiku.
It is a difficult concept for me.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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Geezer
Mon, 2017-06-19 15:02
Pretty good...
first haiku. Keep it up! .
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Scatterhatter
Thu, 2017-06-22 15:55
Thank you both for commenting
Thank you both for commenting.
It's really hard to cram everything into 17 syllables!
weirdelf
Wed, 2017-08-09 10:04
Glad you tried it
before I even suggested it.
Do more.
Even though they are supposed to work individually yoo can assemble them into collections that work both individually and as a whole.
https://www.neopoet.com/node/2669
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
vandiemenspeak
Mon, 2017-08-14 06:08
It's a small frame..
To pack a lot in, with very few well chosen words. Drown in dreams within - very nice, if this is your first foray.
You can have fun with them, in the tech industry, we use them instead of "error page not found" messages on websites, (these are not mine, a friend uses them on his website) like:
The ten thousand things
How long do any persist?
Netscape, too, has gone.
And:
The Web site you seek
cannot be located but
endless others exist
Not even kidding, these come from website, which has to be seen to be believed!
Have fun.
Cheers, and take care.
Chris.
Chris Hall - Tasmania
Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.