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About chariots and other things re-write
ABOUT CHARIOTS AND OTHER THINGS
I ride my chariot
blue vinyl and chrome
to the boundaries
that define lonely.
I roam the world
free and easy
in mind’s recollection
only
Time is stealing my days
dragging me quickly away.
Memories play on my soul
and I try to take hold
of yesterday...
.
Editing stage:
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Comments
judyanne
Thu, 2012-11-01 21:10
powerful joe
but
'It’s going so quickly now' just grated a little to my ear
can i suggest another word or phrase to convey this?
something like - 'it's progressing in compelling haste'...
and
'I wonder how
I will get through on my own
tomorrow….' -do you think you need 'on my own'?
an emotive write
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
Geremia
Thu, 2012-11-01 21:36
Thanks,Judy. I will edit
Thanks,Judy. I will edit those parts.
joe
loved
Fri, 2012-11-02 10:53
time is the only element which is neutral
Time is stealing my days
time is the only element which is neutral
but the circumstances
the environment
take their toll
some take blood
others spirit of young and old…
time severs as it does not know
from Esker to Judy or Loved maybe
time is a loner
a healer
for it has no brother, nor sister
in anyone one of us
that alone is true
time moves on without remorse
sound or music,
it leaves behind
only everlasting memories….
loved
Geremia
Fri, 2012-11-02 11:26
Well said. In space, there is
Well said. In space, there is no time.
Nordic cloud
Fri, 2012-11-02 11:40
I felt sad when I had read
I felt sad when I had read the poem,
but had a moment of contrast and would LOVE to see your steed,
my mind conjures up all manner of fantasies, and they make me laugh.
And then as a poem, as usual you put it so clearly,
and at the same time well.
Love Anni
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
Geremia
Fri, 2012-11-02 12:12
I send my love to you, Anni,
I send my love to you, Anni, dearest friend. It is what it is. I am not who I w as when you visited, Nothing anyone can do,
Nordic cloud
Sat, 2012-11-03 12:27
For me you are still who you
For me you are still who you were, even if there are differences.
We all send love to you, but then you know that.
Courage ma chère ami. Anni
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
Kailashana2
Sat, 2012-11-03 13:14
No one is who they were or
No one is who they were or think they are.
Is that a good or a bad thing? Depends, doesn't it?
My best two all.
~Anna
Nordic cloud
Sun, 2012-11-04 07:18
Well put Anna. So true, I
Well put Anna. So true, I think it would be a bad thing to not change, each day brings new things and is different, like us and our reception of the days, depending on our awareness at the time.
Love to you two too, and to you Joe too.
Anni
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
Geremia
Sun, 2012-11-04 11:19
Yes, my A nna.
Yes, my A nna.
Love from your Joe