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HURRICANE -edit
HURRICANE
The air is heavy silent grey
no egrets statues
In the lake
today
the smell of alligators
rot and decay
float slowly towards
the eastern shore
from stagnant waters
of the Everglades
once more.
Nature stands stunned
In fearful anticipation
There is a monster in the sea
and it is coming
this way
to feed and prey.
Editing stage:
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Comments
weirdelf
Fri, 2012-08-24 16:30
To my mind
overly anthropomorphic. It's just weather.
But nice imagery
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Geremia
Fri, 2012-08-24 16:36
lol You always hit it right.
lol You always hit it right. We are expecting hurricane to possibly hit south Florida That inspired theme. :)
scribbler
Fri, 2012-08-24 16:39
Hi
I have on many an occasion seen the way an approacing storm affects the way wildlife behaves. First there's a spurt of intense feeding then they hunker down and harly even move until the storm passes. You captured this well in a minimum of words. Hmmm..... maybe "no egret statues" instead of egrets standing statue? Just something you can mull over..............stan
Geremia
Fri, 2012-08-24 16:57
Good change, Yes, the
Good change, Yes, the Everglades get wild.
Ian.T
Fri, 2012-08-24 18:42
Joe
I liked this piece down to the last line then the "to feed and prey"
that the storm will feed off of the Ocean and pick at it increasing its energy.
I think more likely the alligator will feed on easy prey today, just a thought for you to mull over.
Glad to see your work becoming fruitful, Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
Geremia
Sun, 2012-08-26 07:12
thanks, Ian. Winds r
thanks, Ian. Winds r starting ro spin;;;
weirdelf
Sat, 2012-08-25 21:47
Excuse my expletives, but fucking good!
You are a major poet when you choose subjects that reflect nature, beauty and life.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Geremia
Sun, 2012-08-26 07:14
I am beginning to think u r
I am beginning to think u r right