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WOUNDS updated
WOUNDS
My wounds bleed
hard and deep
My heart is blind
to its own light
and my soul seeks peace
fleeing far from itself
into distant places
Let the madness come
and all knowing be done !
Editing stage:
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Comments
scribbler
Tue, 2012-05-29 21:03
Hi Joe
Since you posted a short poem, my suggestions will shorten it even more lol try deleting far from line 6 and leaving out last line entirely. If these help, good. If not, won't be the first time..........stan
Geremia
Wed, 2012-05-30 00:43
Thanks Stan.Last 2 lines
Thanks Stan.Last 2 lines essential; however, I made slight change.
Thanks,
joe
scribbler
Wed, 2012-05-30 08:42
Hi Joe
I'm sometime a bit unsure of the intent that a writer is wanting to convey. So I then comment on structure instead. So of course I often get things wrong so it's only right when such is pointedout to me.............stan
Geremia
Wed, 2012-05-30 09:18
Stan, I appreciate any
Stan, I appreciate any feedback from you.
Joe