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gravity
Words spoken to mean nothing
Such a waste of breath
Deep down I know there's something
I can recognize on this earth
Something...
Like you
...being a speck of blue
In my never-ending sky of gray
Yet I can't help but think...
Of the unknown face of the moon
Of the tongue like an angry wave
How easily lies can roll off it.
What is it then, to feel safe?
When they fester so in my head?
So when there is something I can recognize
...
Then...
You can wake me up
From...
This cold cold place
That keeps dragging me
Into forever
Then...
You can stop my toes from curling over
The edge...
Although I know
I could go
And not look back
Go...
And never
Have to look back
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
Any suggestions?
I would like to thank AmmaKonadu for helping me smooth this one out around the edges! She is brilliant.
Editing stage:
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Comments
Candlewitch
Wed, 2012-04-11 11:08
hello,
I like your title, whuch could have two meanings, but I was wondering what you meant by this line as it is unclear to me:
When they fester so in my head?
(is it the lies or the tounges that fester in your head?) maybe it is just me, but I was a little unclear on that.
I enjoyed these lines:
Deep down I know there's something
I can recognize on this earth
Something...
Like you
...being a speck of blue
In my never-ending sky of gray
good imagery there.
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Starlight
Wed, 2012-04-11 11:11
Hello
the lies fester. thanks for reading and commenting. :)
Tommi Cordial
Wed, 2012-04-11 16:19
profound
I like this in that i get a friend or foe feeling to the inevitible. Interestingly pleasing
Thank you
Tommi
Tommi Cordial
Dawn breaks over marble head...
Eduardo Cruz
Wed, 2012-04-11 18:44
Star,
Great imagery in this one, and it rolled easily off the lips and tongue.
I love these lines:
"You can stop my toes from curling over
The edge...
Although I know
I could go
And not look back"
Eddie
...
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
William Saint George
Thu, 2012-04-12 05:15
This poem has got a grave
This poem has got a grave feeling to it. It does carry with it a sense of futility.
Looking back at the title, I think I can see a connection with the main body of the poem. Gravity keeps pulling us down no matter how high we jump.
The sense of resignation and hope in the last lines makes for a very calm end. I liked it.
No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot
http://www.wsgeorge.com/
I Am Peace I Am...
Mon, 2012-04-30 17:51
i love yer poetery....friends??? :)
So I really like ur style of writing. Its unique and ur own flavor. I really like it. And ur words are in just the right places. I too like the line that cat does
somerhing.. like you....being a speck of blue...in my never-ending sky of gray.
Edgar poet
Starlight
Mon, 2012-04-30 19:04
Hey!
thanks for reading