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I Thought Of You Today
Secluded streets in lamplight lie
Awash with cleansing rain
Awaiting dawns first sign
life has begun again
concentric circles on pavement form
left by heaven's tears
the solitude of this night
forever cast in years
I watch the drops trickle down the pane
and thoughts are of you once again
so long since I've heard your voice
memories did not leave a choice
With face in hands
I try to hide
the tears
beneath the rain
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
Candlewitch
Thu, 2012-01-26 12:18
Dear Chrys
I like your gentle rhyming pattern. The change in pattern in the third and fourth verse does not hurt the poem. I am tuned into the subject matter, being a gloomy sort of old biddy. (I like it very much)
These lines plucked my heart strings:
With face in hands
I try to hide
the tears that are the rain
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
China Blue
Thu, 2012-01-26 12:39
Cat
Thank you
since when are you an old biddy lol far from it M'dear
Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)
Ian.T
Thu, 2012-01-26 14:00
Chrys
I remember a song that said "I will do my crying in the rain"
A lovely write there, with all the memories flooding in where the tears are for times gone by both you and I, Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
China Blue
Thu, 2012-01-26 18:51
Ian
good to see you. many thanks for reading
Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)
scribbler
Thu, 2012-01-26 17:52
hello
I enjoyed this but even so I have a few things to offer lol
L-3 and 4
..awaiting the first sign of dawn
..declaring life's begun again
L-9 delete the
L-11 Try so long since.....
last line maybe the tears beneath the rain?
just a few ideas for you to use or not.........stan
wesley snow
Fri, 2012-01-27 23:25
I enjoyed this and have nothing to offer.
It's easily my favorite of yours. And yes, I do like your poetry though I'm betting you don't think that. wesley
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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China Blue
Sat, 2012-01-28 01:15
Wesley
LOL
many thanks for stopping by and reading and of all things liking it lol
thanks again
Chryys
Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)
WonderGolly
Sat, 2012-01-28 05:00
Beautiful :)
the speaker seem to miss a loved one
and lost in the quietness of the moment whiles watching the raindrops,
a recollection of days gone come back again.
Yet it's only a shadow of the past which the speaker for a moment they were real.
I enjoyed the rhyming and the imagery (...heaven's tears)
great work.
respects:
WonderGolly :)
respects.
WonderGolly
What I love most about POETS is how they write SADNESS with SUNSHINE on their face, caption RAIN with FALLEN EMBERS and paint TEARS using the colours of WATERFALLS:lol
China Blue
Sat, 2012-01-28 07:59
Wonder
thank you very much for your kind comments. That is exactly what this poem is about. It is always a pleasure to see a new person reading my work
Chrys
Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)
raj
Sun, 2012-01-29 05:53
Hi Chrys..
just like Cat said..it plucked my heart string too...beautiful sentments expressed so nicely...
raj (sublime_ocean)
China Blue
Sun, 2012-01-29 09:23
Hi Raj
Thank you very much
Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)