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Lone Mortality (eddy styx) reworked
"Lone Mortality"
arrogant dark Rooks cawing
from their shadowy haven
come to me unbidden
black-cloaked in shiny silken death
I pick up the trail of blood
carried fresh on the
intermittent nocturnal breeze
for one brief moment I am
powerless beneath fevered shadows
I am prone and pinned
To secret prophecies..
.
intolerable and unforgiving!
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words:
Another poem to be included in the publishing of "Book of Styx II" This is a polished draft awaiting ideas and suggestions before submission. Thank you in advance. eddy styx is my male alter ego.
Editing stage:
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Comments
Janice Pearce
Mon, 2011-05-23 09:52
Lone Mortality
Love this one Cat!!
Candlewitch
Tue, 2011-05-24 09:42
Dear Janice,
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this piece.
always eddy,(& Cat)
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Candlewitch
Tue, 2011-05-24 09:41
Dear Chrys,
I will keep that in mind. Rottie's got it right in her assessment. Thanks always for being here!
always eddy, (&Cat)
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Rottiestyl
Mon, 2011-05-23 13:38
I taken the shiny to mean the
I taken the shiny to mean the glean off their smooth feathers and the shadowy, the hidden perch amongst the night time tree limbs. As it approaches the moon shines on the oil sleeked body. Hope I am close, nice piece.
Rottie
Pegasus was a genius,
living within a suit of difference.
He liked what he was,
nodded in respect and
simply flew . . . away.
By: K. Mulroney
" I am who I am, say what I say, do what I do. With no apology."
Candlewitch
Tue, 2011-05-24 09:40
Dear Rottie,
You are correct on all counts! Thank you!
always eddy, (&Cat)
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
lou
Mon, 2011-05-23 21:33
Cat
I love the spare use of words, just enough to convey a very sinister and deeply atmospheric piece.
Love Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
Candlewitch
Tue, 2011-05-24 09:39
Hi Lou!
Glad you enjoyed this one.
always eddy, (&Cat)
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Race_9togo
Tue, 2011-05-24 00:32
Cat,
in general, I like everything about this one, form, structure, theme, all are good,
but it lacks the delicate ferocity that epitomizes Eddy, to me. It seems unemotional for some reason that I can't quite put my finger on, with nothing under the surface tension, where Mr. Styx's emotional boil always seems to be gently roiling, ready to explode with that calculated violence of his that seems so casual and frightening.
I think perhaps because this is more of a descriptive piece than exploratory of Eddy's demons and gleeful appetite for murder?
It just doesn't make the hairs on the back of my neck stand up they way they usually do when I read eddy's words. Maybe its just me.
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo
Candlewitch
Tue, 2011-05-24 09:38
Dear Jim,
You are right. This is a descriptive piece, from eddy's point of view looking out at the night shrouded avenue. I see what you mean and appreciate your honesty. Maybe I will add more on to this... It is definitely worth considering. Thanks again!
always,eddy(& Cat)
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
weirdelf
Tue, 2011-05-24 07:06
I never told you my eddy styx name
it is alex machette. And he would take eddy out with words! Or, if need be, a machette.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Candlewitch
Tue, 2011-05-24 09:37
Dear Jess,
First of all, nice to meet Mr. Alex Machete! I don't know which I fear more, the cutting words, or the bad-assed blade. LOL! Thanks for reading! When will I get to read something written by Alex M.?
always, eddy (& Cat)
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
weirdelf
Tue, 2011-05-31 09:27
you have met Alex
just look at some of my nastier poems, I don't sign them Alex.
Oh, but mostly not re-posted here from the old site.
I might write one for Eddie, although didn't we do that before once?
A collaboration could produce some truly disturbing results!
[myah ah aaah!]
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Candlewitch
Tue, 2011-05-31 10:20
Dear Jess & Alex
I would love to do a co-write with you. I'd rather you took the lead and I will follow you.
always, eddy (& cat)
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
weirdelf
Tue, 2011-05-31 10:58
let's wait till chat gets back up and do it live together
as a dialogue. That would be interesting indeed!
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Candlewitch
Tue, 2011-05-31 09:12
Dear Rosi,
Yes, this is a more reflective piece. From a quiet and pensive mood. Thanks for reading and commenting. Your thoughts are always welcome here.
always, eddy (& cat)
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Candlewitch
Tue, 2011-05-31 09:17
Dearest Jayne-Chloe,
Thank you! There may be more... I don't know. Maybe a short story. But it won't be anytime soon,as I'm still not quite up to snuff. Not my old self yet. But I will surely keep it in mind as a distinct possibility. Thank you for your continued support.
always, eddy (& cat)
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Nordic cloud
Thu, 2012-02-02 14:41
Oh so so subtle the haven and
Oh so so subtle the haven and the 'raven' the black and the silk
the 'red' and blood, fresh and 'flesh' so many such allusions
that pick the sensitive parts and bring one a feverous sweat.
I liked this little brittle spittle of darkness.
Ann.
Not sure what the 'delicate ferocity' was meaning from the comment above.
It needed no more than it has for me.
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
Candlewitch
Thu, 2012-02-02 15:01
Dear Ann,
Thank you. It is appreciated.
always, eddy (& cat)
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.