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Life in Short
Long is the journey, and sacred
It's holy secrets are lain for the elected
Forging the fleeting moments of joy and pain
Each breath is a chance to live and love again
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Tue, 2024-09-10 22:20
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Life in Short" is an acrostic, a form where the first letter of each line spells out a word or phrase, in this case, "LIFE". This form can be a playful way to add an additional layer of meaning to a poem.
The language used in the poem is evocative and rich, with phrases like "long is the journey, and sacred" and "forging the fleeting moments of joy and pain" providing a sense of depth and contemplation. However, the phrase "it's holy secrets are lain for the elected" might benefit from clarification. The word "lain" usually refers to something being placed or positioned, and it's unclear what it means in this context.
The rhythm of the poem is somewhat irregular. While this isn't necessarily a problem, it can make the poem feel less cohesive. If a more regular rhythm is desired, consider revising some lines to have a similar number of syllables or stresses.
The poem's theme of life as a sacred journey filled with opportunities for love and joy is a powerful one. However, the poem might benefit from more specific imagery or details to make this theme feel more personal and unique. Instead of speaking about life in general terms, consider incorporating specific moments or experiences that embody the poem's theme.
In conclusion, this poem has a strong foundation with its rich language and thoughtful theme. With some clarification of certain phrases, more consistent rhythm, and more specific imagery, it could be even more impactful.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Candlewitch
Wed, 2024-09-11 09:08
Dear Rula,
You have a way of seeing (and translating them) that make them simple and direct. One of the many things I love about you! thank you!
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Rula
Thu, 2024-09-12 09:49
Dearest friend
Thank you so much for your kind words.
Always appreciate it!
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
Lavender
Thu, 2024-09-12 11:14
Life In Short
Hello Rula,
Perfect title for this acrostic poem. So much wisdom in this brief piece, especially your final line!
Thank you!
Lx
Rula
Thu, 2024-09-12 12:49
Dear Lavender
Happy to see that you've realized the form.
Thank you for coming to this.
Much appreciation my friend
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
Tawny023
Sat, 2024-09-14 12:23
Short but impactful
I enjoyed this poem duality and my favorite line
Long is the journey, and sacred
Although life is hard it is sacred
And you leave the reader with a hopeful message to continue living.
Rula
Sun, 2024-09-15 16:34
Tawny
I think this is the first time to meet, so I find your visit quite priceless.
Looking forward to reading your poetry soon
Thank you so much.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
Clentin
Mon, 2024-09-16 08:05
It has been awhile since I
It has been awhile since I have seen an acrostic poem. Like it very much. I also loved the last line. Sums up life and its meaning
I have begun to read all your poems.
Well done!