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Factory Reset

Submitted by Apostolos "Paul... on Tue, 2024-08-06 16:26

It breaks me
To see you
Drowning in
A shallow pool
Of doubts

You hide
So no one
Sees a
Flawed
Operating
System

Oh, I wish
I could
Factory reset
Your mind
To erase
Corrupt files

Your ability to
Go on when
Most trip
Over shadows
Gives hope
To souls
That were on
Their last sip

I beg you to
Pour out worries
Till the clouds
Flee from
The sun

Fear is
Just a fool
With a
Megaphone

So tonight,
Steal his power
As you step onto
An elevator
That takes
You to peace

Here is
A secret
Not found
In the manual:
Fear thinks
I am your
Worst enemy
Shh! Know
In my silence
I love me

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

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Comments

neopoet

Tue, 2024-08-06 22:30

Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Factory Reset" employs an interesting blend of technological and emotional language to convey a message about the struggle with self-doubt and fear. The use of technology as a metaphor for mental and emotional states is a unique approach that could be further developed.

In the first two stanzas, the poem introduces the subject's struggle with self-doubt. However, the transition from the first to the second stanza could be smoother. The sudden shift from "drowning in a shallow pool of doubts" to "flawed operating system" is a bit jarring. Perhaps, introducing the technological metaphor earlier or more gradually could help with this.

The third stanza, where the speaker expresses a wish to "factory reset" the subject's mind, is a powerful image. However, it might be beneficial to explore this metaphor further, perhaps by detailing what the "corrupt files" are or how they affect the subject.

The fourth stanza is a bit unclear. The phrase "most trip over shadows" is somewhat ambiguous. It could be interpreted in several ways, and it's not clear which interpretation is intended. Clarifying this could strengthen the poem.

The final stanza introduces a new idea - that fear perceives the speaker as the subject's enemy. This is an intriguing twist, but it feels a bit disconnected from the rest of the poem. It might be helpful to weave this idea in earlier or develop it more fully to ensure it doesn't feel out of place.

Overall, the poem has a strong concept and some powerful imagery. With some refinement and development, it could be even more impactful.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Lavender

Wed, 2024-08-07 14:55

Factory Reset

Hello, Paul,
Great title - how I wish we could reprogram our minds to ignore our doubts and fears. "Fear is just a fool with a megaphone." Very relatable and clever. I'll remember that line!
Thank you!
L

Apostolos "Paul...

Thu, 2024-08-08 15:41