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To my assaulter
“Thank you for breaking my trust and mind. Before any boy ever could.
For now I crave sexual touch, yet I fear it.
For now whenever someone touches me in the places you once did.
I feel nothing but fear and panic.
So thank you, for breaking my ability to love, trust, and touch.”
Style / type:
Free verse
Last few words:
Im new and arent very good with formats so
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Fri, 2023-08-25 19:10
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem presents a strong emotional narrative, focusing on the aftermath of a traumatic event. The use of direct address to the "assaulter" creates a confrontational tone, which effectively communicates the speaker's anger and pain. However, the poem might benefit from a more nuanced exploration of these emotions. For instance, the phrase "breaking my trust and mind" is quite direct, and while it does convey the speaker's feelings, it might be more impactful to show this through imagery or metaphor.
The repetition of the word "touch" and its variations ("touches," "touched") is an effective tool for emphasizing the speaker's struggle with physical intimacy. However, the poem could explore this theme in greater depth. What specific sensations or memories does touch evoke? How does this affect the speaker's daily life or relationships?
The poem concludes with a sarcastic "thank you," which underscores the speaker's bitterness. This is a powerful ending, but the poem could build up to it more effectively. The speaker's feelings of fear and panic are introduced quite abruptly; developing these emotions more gradually throughout the poem could make the ending more impactful.
Overall, the poem has a strong emotional core, but could benefit from more detailed and nuanced exploration of its themes.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
RoseBlack
Fri, 2023-08-25 19:19
Hi Zero
Welcome to Neopoet! This was a very powerful and emotive piece. I could hear/feel every emotion very clearly. You will get better with format the more you write but for your first poem and to tackle such a difficult and personal subject, I commend you. My poem "Stalker-Revisited" shares a similar experience of mine. Feel free to check it out if you have the time.
~RoseBlack~
Geezer
Fri, 2023-08-25 23:28
I agree...
I liked the bluntness. You made sure to let the world know about your horror. It does take strength, and I commend you for the courage that you've shown. Nicely done. ~ Geezer.
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Geezer
Thu, 2023-08-31 09:14
I see...
what Mark is talking about, you are using quotation marks, where you need not, if you are making the statement. ~ Geezer.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.