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She left with no goodbye.
And never learned to feel
yet I live beneath this skin
never learned to kneel
and feel the hurt within
To give a helping hand
and grow
to understand
That walls, thick or thin
make rooms for living in.
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Rula
Thu, 2022-12-29 04:57
And we
go on living without really giving much thought of how things go on. Bitter sweet lines that sadly uncover some of the un/human traits
The first stanza's my favorite if I had to choose, but thought you need to add the title as a first line of the body so that the reader won't start with a conjunction. Just a thought.
She left with no goodbye
And never learned to feel
yet I live beneath this skin
never learned to kneel
and feel the hurt within
Good stuff indeed.
Welcome to our world.
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Candlewitch
Thu, 2022-12-29 08:01
hello!
may I add, this fantastic poem would come off better if you were to drop all the "and's" try reading both versions out loud and see which sounds better. a master poet taught me about this recently. I love the simplicity of your poem.
btw...
nice to meet you!
*hugs, Cat
*
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Geezer
Thu, 2022-12-29 08:41
I agree...
with the admonishment of dropping some of the [ands] and seeing how it reads. Try:
She left with no goodbye
yet I live beneath this skin
never learned to kneel
to feel the hurt within
To give a helping hand
to grow
and understand
Those walls thick or thin
make rooms for living in
Good work! ~ Geezer.
.
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Lavender
Thu, 2022-12-29 11:05
She Left With No Goodbyes
Hello, Goodchild,
Funny - I loved using "And" as the first word! The title pulled me in, and then I arrived directly into the poem's mood, already in progress, already in deep thought. I really liked that. This feels so solitary, as if it just needs someone to sit with it a while.
Thank you,
L
Rosewood Apothecary
Fri, 2022-12-30 05:01
I love the poem
Welcome to neopoet. You should drop the “and” or use ellipses before it. It hints at coming into a thought in the middle. If that’s indeed a desired effect I’d use the ellipses. I like the language and theme. Got a nice ethereal feel to it.
Welcome,
Tim