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Sunku 5
Devil
Beckons
With arms open
Come here
It's different
I swear
Let me
Hold you
One more time
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
raj
Sun, 2018-02-25 05:08
Carrie
You are seriously improving with every Sunku you post,,,A small change I would have made in First Stanza is eliminate "The" and "He" in lines 1 & 2
Devil
beckons
With arms open
........
raj (sublime_ocean)
lonlyhrtsclub13
Sun, 2018-02-25 07:04
change made
I like the changes. Flows nicer. Thank you.
Keep Writing,
Carrie
"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"
raj
Sun, 2018-02-25 07:45
Carrie
my pleasure to suggest. Good to know you found them worthy.
Are you cooking a new Sunku?
......
raj (sublime_ocean)
lonlyhrtsclub13
Sun, 2018-02-25 08:00
a few new ones
But i can't post until tonight per neo guidelines.
Keep Writing,
Carrie
"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"
raj
Sun, 2018-02-25 13:38
Carrie
Let me remind you that you can post your poems without restrictions when you select workshop option. So don't hold back..
raj (sublime_ocean)
lonlyhrtsclub13
Sun, 2018-02-25 13:52
it won't let me
Because my contest poem was right to the stream so I can't even get to the submit screen.
Keep Writing,
Carrie
"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"
raj
Sun, 2018-02-25 13:58
Carrie
I am not talking about Contest Poem where you have selected contest name...my comment was about poems submitted to a Workshop where the notification you see [when you select "submit a poem"] clearly states that you can do it if it's meant for a workshop. You can confirm this from Geezer and Wieirdelf or any member from technical panel of Neopoet.
Hope this helps..
raj (sublime_ocean)
Barbara Writes
Sun, 2018-02-25 14:25
Hey raj
I think if you post to stream without selecting a workshop first it won’t let you post anything until the 24 hour is up. As long as you select workshop In poem content it will let you post as often as you wish. I don’t think the contest functions that way. I don’t think it will let her in to post content before the 24 hours is up to select workshop. It may let her if there was a workshop content separate from poem content that post to the stream. Maybe some things to think about
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
raj
Sun, 2018-02-25 14:31
Thanks Barbara
for sharing your perspectives about the Rule Book. I guess there should be more clarity to avoid confusing perceptions. Anyways not being a premium member, I have to face these limitations...
raj (sublime_ocean)
IRiz
Sun, 2018-02-25 09:41
Great write about temptation.
Great write about temptation. Thank you for your poem. Looking good.
IRiz
lonlyhrtsclub13
Sun, 2018-02-25 09:58
Trying to put
Real emotions into short form. Thank you for your positive comments.
Keep Writing,
Carrie
"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"
Barbara Writes
Sun, 2018-02-25 13:56
Wonderful job
You inculcate haiku and senyru perfectly in this sunku which makes sunku the ultimate form of both styles similar to tanka. Tanka can be either haiku or senyru when a added couplet changes it from haiku to senyru with one or more key words.
Ie. A haiku
sunsets before dusk
twilight sparkles with twinkles
sunrise after dawn
Ie. A senyru
sunsets before dusk
awesome twilight with twinkles
sunrise after dawn
Ie. A haiku/tanka
sunsets before dusk
twilight sparkles with twinkles
sunrise after dawn
celestial skies popping
above awesomeness heaven (awesome and awesomeness makes it senyru)
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
lonlyhrtsclub13
Sun, 2018-02-25 13:51
I will
Need to explore these more. Thank you for your kind words.
Keep Writing,
Carrie
"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"
Barbara Writes
Sun, 2018-02-25 14:01
I like the theme
Of this sunku
The devil is a liar
He or she swear
It will be different
But we know
It won’t be. Lol
One more time
One more lie
Nothing changes
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
weirdelf
Mon, 2018-02-26 23:14
I hope you can start to see from others the sunku form works
3 stanzas, 2/3/4 syllables per stanza
cheers,
Jess
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