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Snowballs
I’m tired
and have no poetry left;
so says Mary and me.
Meanwhile,
Mike and Chris tell me
it’s only a matter of time.
And Toby bleats
“ya gotta start somewhere.”
When I dropped the artistry,
I dropped the philosophy;
the fact is
I don’t even want to hear my own philosophy.
I’m ducking under snowballs
that occasionally shatter in the air
because it is too cold and dry
for them to be formed.
Every now and then
an expert bully packs one,
takes aim
and wallops me in the face.
One or two is annoying,
more than that brings enough pain
to make me think twice.
I think I’m armed with grenades;
but the box is marked “do not open until Christmas”
and I dare not look inside.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Kailashana2
Sun, 2010-12-05 05:45
Hey U! Nice to see you and
Hey U! Nice to see you and your poetry again!
"I dare not look inside." Right.
~A
Conect11
Fri, 2011-01-28 10:50
Good to see you too Anna!
Hope all is well with you.
Psyve
Fri, 2011-01-28 03:17
Hey Connect
I missed this one earlier. Read Soraya and thought... This is interesting....what else has he written?
Wasn't disappointed. Enjoyed the read. Your use of metaphor is subtle, yet hard hitting.
Nicely done.
Just entered the snowfight recently, myself...
Psyve
Conect11
Fri, 2011-01-28 10:52
Thanks Psyve!
Well done joining the snowball fight, may you stand firm. God bless.
Blue_Halcyon
Fri, 2011-01-28 09:31
***Throws a snowball at Mark***
Oh shoot! I hope that wasn't a grenade disguised as a snowball! They can be sneaky like that. Good to see you back on neo! And I guess you and mary were wrong - you do have some poetry left. ;-)
It is such a secret place, the land of tears. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
Conect11
Fri, 2011-01-28 10:54
Thanks Misty!
We'll see how much poetry is left :)
Psyve
Fri, 2011-01-28 12:57
We'll see how much poetry is left....
"We'll see how much poetry is left"....It all sounds a bit like fuel tank... full, half full....
... and I've been running on only fumes for a while now...
Psyve
Blue_Halcyon
Fri, 2011-01-28 13:01
Well
You know how life is - it has a way throwing enough things at us until
the tank starts to fill back up. If you don't empty it out some, it will eventually
overflow.
It is such a secret place, the land of tears. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry