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Nigeria
NIGERIA
Decades passed
Century crops
Britain delivered
A parcel of hopes
To the greatest leaders
of course
Africa's best political
Workforce
To Nigeria
Africa bound
In Nigeria
Africa bond
From Nigeria
Africa emerged
First citizens
Of the world
Blacks before
Other nations
Our unity
A priority
Yes!
Our diversity
A strength
Yes!
Boom boom boom...
O spear me that
Just go right on
Ahead
And save me the tears
Again
O pracious fatherland
-UGK
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
i need help generally
Editing stage:
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Comments
youkay
Wed, 2017-09-06 19:13
i am happy joining this
i am happy joining this platform
Pleasure I am the promised gift
Geezer
Wed, 2017-09-06 20:35
Damn...
I think you have it all right here. A good work that delivers a message and does it with aplomb.
The only criticism I have, is the spelling of the word [precious]. I'm not the best critic of free-verse poetry, but even I can see that this one is good. Welcome to Neopoet and if you need help with anything, just ask and I'm sure that someone will help you with whatever questions or problems you may have. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Eumolpus
Thu, 2017-09-07 00:57
Yes!
Glad to see a passionate poem about pride, nationhood, and idealism. Good poem! The feeling jumps off the page.
I agree with the above. A composer writes within the rules of music so it can be played, so is grammar the rules for poet. He can consciously play with the grammar but has control of that and it becomes part of the rhetoric of the poem, which is not the case here.
MY take: End the poem with "Yes!" Boom boom boom and the double entendres don't work, nor is
"precious fatherland" . Fatherland is for me too European, used most often by Germany Yours might better be "motherland".
Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings
weirdelf
Fri, 2017-09-08 09:16
I have become friends with many Nigerians on Facebook
and invited them to Neopoet, and this is exactly what I was hoping for- raw truthful poetry.
You will change us.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Chiori
Wed, 2017-09-13 05:10
youkay
nice poem i enjoy reading your poem, it give me hope for unity
just like my poem "lets unite despite our difference"
nice one
always remember to make a critique of other poems
using the hoe is not madness for nothing