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willow tree

Submitted by MDT on Mon, 2012-03-19 18:43

i fell,
i fell ever so gracefully
into a forbidden part of your garden
into a tunnel of roots and earth
and i fell like a dancer prancing in space
attired in a light patterned cotton and lace
elegance of a late twenties flair
with a garland of pretty flowers in my hair

and gently i fell
to land upon a bed of soft moss
with vines as posts and jasmine for pillows
golden candles and an elaborate patterned wall
decorate this fanciful lair
the air,a musk and floral base perfume
this scent, mysterious as a figure in loom
and spectrum colours reflect from crystal lamps
suspended in the center of this earthen room
i fall back unto the bed to lay and waste time in dreams
and fade into thoughts like interweaving light beams
nothing is ever as it seems so i close my eyes
to fall into sleep
your name my breath will keep.
i awake to to feel
a gentle caress upon my spine
so i turn to see your eyes meet mine
and luscious seduction
seeps into my skin
your lips soft and compelling as sin
i let you in
where none have ever been...

i fell into the forbidden part of your garden
where u came to greet me
under the roots of the willow tree

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Comments

Cloudthings

Mon, 2012-03-19 23:27

Cloudthings's picture

Hi, I see you have newly joined, so welcome. I enjoyed this & found myself quite wrapt in several of the lines, I wanted to linger there. I could enquire if the change in tense was intended, but I see you don't want critique on the structure, so I will leave you with my gratitude for a little stroll though a lovely work with some very promising & beautiful lines that pull me to want to read more, I hope we see lots more from you.

I especially liked the first section:

i fell,
i fell ever so gracefully
into a forbidden part of your garden
into a tunnel of roots and earth
and i fell like a dancer prancing in space
attired in a light patterned cotton and lace
elegance of a late twenties flair
with a garland of pretty flowers in my hair ....

A real pleasure to read

Cheers

Cloud

Cheers
Anni

My dear friend always told me "Water the seeds of joy first"

Candlewitch

Wed, 2012-03-21 13:03

Candlewitch's picture
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Your writing is a joyous journey! I really enjoyed these lines:

so i close my eyes
to fall into sleep
your name my breath will keep.
i awake to to feel
a gentle caress upon my spine
so i turn to see your eyes meet mine
and luscious seduction
seeps into my skin
your lips soft and compelling as sin
i let you in
where none have ever been...

i fell into the forbidden part of your garden
where u came to greet me
under the roots of the willow tree

One suggestion: use "you" instead of "u" as "u" is fit for texting and not for poetry. Just a suggestion.

always, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Dalton

Fri, 2012-04-13 13:57

A lovely piece with an elegant flow. Sounded to me like a memory of a lost innocent love. Yet still has the touches of a soft, romantic heart there.

ThanX for sharing I can't add more that the other commenters have not already said.

John

MDT

Fri, 2012-04-13 16:24

MDT's picture

yes it is about my first love as are most of my poems, thanks for your appreciation.

Peace love and harmony light the path we must take. - MDT

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