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what the heck!

Submitted by loved on Thu, 2012-10-04 09:32

you must remain an entity,
oh what a pity
even God needs an identity,
If only we could mastermind our arrival
what time and day
would you or any one chose
may I ask of you?

We all ply about in veiled masks
in search of ...
rest I will compose
when other poets
do in me their faith impose,
let them feel the burdens of life
till will still,
remain one long strife

come what may,
What choice you choose
destiny can't be written
as you shall remain confused
Heredity
Environment
CIrcumstance
will still remain out of one’s control,
what kind of life would you friend
Would like to stroll?
I wonder still.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Ian.T

Sat, 2012-10-06 04:33

Ian.T's picture
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This wanders a little it is as if you are talking to Loved and trying to analyse feelings that you have about others thoughts.
This can't be done as you cannot live in their thoughts, they are so separate in their ways, where they/you can touch but not feel the touch, it is a state of being, and this state is eternal.
Your poetry comes and goes young bard as the ocean lapping the shore it is there and just a space when it makes an effect on the shore.
Why sometimes you say your work is beyond reproach, and then you become unsure of your words, I hope that you can get those 50 odd for your cause, If you need to have a guest poet you have my permission to use some of my work on request.
Meanwhile you take care, oh my earnings on Triond have reached 10p hey that's a fortune lol
When it reaches any size you are welcome to it for your cancer people, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

loved

Sat, 2012-10-06 04:42

loved's picture

I have always given
never taken

I am that sea you say which comes...
i kept on typing and lost the sense
of what i wanted to say
except i always give
never take
as the sea i come in tides
to mankind awake ..

clean up your shores
else you will be there no more
this earth will be the hell
of aliens
who think like you do
after death we shall go there
where in the hell!
say Ian uuuuuuuuuuu

loved

author comment

Ian.T

Sat, 2012-10-06 05:30

Ian.T's picture
Volunteer badge

This place we have here is a beautiful place
and what we do with it is up to us.
I am very happy in the things I have done in my sojourn..
I look forward to travelling on, but have a few things to do before then, lol
You take care young Bard,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

loved

Sat, 2012-10-06 08:11

loved's picture

tc 22222222222222222222222

loved

author comment
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