Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Two Hands Hold
Two hands hold beneath a pillow
not a word is said even though
the clasp held either loose or tight
brings comfort on a stormy night
like the warmth from a candle's glow
What if the fingers do a plow
on palm of the other in love?
it's tell tale sign of hold me tight
two hands hold
When fingers caress in slow mo
like strokes of the strings of a bow
in sighs and moans lovers delight
like a swan ballet in moon light
to a breathtaking Soprano
two hands hold
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
judyanne
Tue, 2015-03-17 09:34
lovely Raj
A rondeau !!
A couple of things
'two hands in tow' --- 'toe' the digit on the end of the foot
Perhaps, instead of changing the words, you could use the first three syllables (perfectly allowable - I've seen rondeau with two to six syllables in the refrain .... 'two hands hold' sounds good to me
'bough' = a tree branch, 'bow' = the thing with strings
a good write
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
raj
Tue, 2015-03-17 09:59
Hi Judyanne
Thanks for the time, visit & comment. Yes it was an attempt at Rondeau, albeit a weak one. Thanks for pointing out, I did mean bow...will correct it...
As for the 9th & 15th verse, though I have now switched to "two hands hold" it doesn't seem to make much sense other than conformance to the form which demands part of the refrain from verse 1...anyways since you say it is ok..i am doing by it...
do you think "beneath" would be a better option than "under"?
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentjudyanne
Tue, 2015-03-17 11:44
beneath
Makes it iambic
It sounds better to my ear
under still works
And both words mean pretty much the same
It is your choice really, as to what the words mean and sound to you
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
raj
Tue, 2015-03-17 12:20
Judyanne
Thanks for your take even though it's late
down under in some wild western town
if change i must 'tween beneath n under
i will go for the longer iambic now :)
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
author comment