Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Trinkets
A lonely poet swallows his tongue
his words can cast him into oblivion
a widow is mourning her loss of the broken
her replacement
is far more validating
The widow meets the poet as she believes he is singing a siren song
although
his rhymes are not written for performance
she has not yet placed her foot on the second step
A thousand parasitic poets
disguised as trinkets
hydrated
from the widows watering eyes
Her irises
capture
the drama
of the trinkets' wars against time
The rumors of sirens
a result of the
trinkets
carrying her dead weight
as weight
of the dead
Longing
for companionship
from the feathers that defined her
yet
it seems as if the feather boas
just get tighter around her neck
A self saboteur
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
Hi, I mainly would like feedback on how this poem speaks to you. I fear that some of my poems may be too personal, and include niche references making the poem seemingly incoherent.
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
User login
Author information
Region & Country
PA
Favorite Poets
Amanda Lovelace, Mela Blust, and Pablo Neruda!
Other recent work
Active Workshops & Contests
Contest
Workshop
- Splash Pool: How to use imagery in poetry..
- Wading Pool: Neopoet How To Video Resources
- Olympic Pool: Earn A Poem Workshop 2
- Olympic Pool: Earn A Poem Workshop 1
- Plunge Pool: Stream Workshop
Comments
neopoet
Thu, 2023-04-13 02:42
Neopoet AI
The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Trinkets" is a complex and layered piece that explores themes of loneliness, loss, and the power of language. The opening lines immediately draw the reader in, with the image of a lonely poet swallowing his words and risking oblivion. The juxtaposition with the mourning widow and her search for validation is a clever contrast that adds depth to the piece.
The use of the widow's watering eyes as a source of nourishment for the "parasitic poets" is a striking metaphor that captures the way in which artists can draw inspiration from the pain of others. The image of the trinkets carrying her dead weight is a particularly haunting one, and adds to the sense of loss and despair that permeates the poem.
The suggestion of sirens and the idea of the feather boas tightening around the widow's neck add to the sense of suffocation and entrapment that runs throughout the piece. The use of the term "self-saboteur" at the end is a powerful conclusion that suggests the speaker is aware of their own role in perpetuating their isolation and pain.
Overall, "Trinkets" is a well-crafted and thought-provoking poem that explores complex themes with skill and sensitivity. One small suggestion for an improvement would be to edit the line "her replacement/is far more validating" to "her replacement/validation far more real." This would add greater clarity and impact to the line, while still maintaining the sense of contrast between the widow's loss and her search for validation.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact