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The Tree
The tree play's a lonely solitary stance.
Upon the wind it sways and dance's.
Stretching its arm as far it can reach.
Shedding its bounty of pears so sweet.
It is just a tree.
Unlike us it is free.
Proud and strong in a changing moods.
Bearing fruit tender and good.
Still its leaves are shimmering green.
When autumn comes a change can be seen.
Leaves changing color to a golden brown.
And falling softly to a velvety ground.
In the wind you catch the rustling sound.
In a habitat that constantly evolves.
In a world that forever revolves.
And the children from the branches sing.
From a rope tied tight they gently swing.
Laughter heard escaping softly on a wind
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Rula
Thu, 2012-06-07 02:20
A lovely read
Reflects your love for the tree and how much it means to you
Just a couple of grammer corrections in the first two lines . You don't need the 's
in 'Plays' and 'Dances' as it is part of the verb not a contraction
The tree play's a lonely solitary stance.
Upon the wind it sways and dance's.
I particulary like these lines:
"It is just a tree.
Unlike us it is free.
Proud and strong in a changing moods.
Bearing fruit tender and good."
I don't think you need the full stop all through sometimes a comma at the end is needed as the thought is not completed or shall be completed in the line after.
I really enjoyed
Thanks for sharing.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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weirdelf
Thu, 2012-06-07 05:01
So fucking sweet I might vomit
Come on on! do you you think you are Wordsworth?
cheers,
Jess
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