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That tomorrow

Submitted by loved on Sat, 2011-01-22 12:47

That Tomorrow

That tomorrow
has once again come
But as a today
And
As I did once so say
Every tomorrow will come
Only as a today
Try hard as you wish,
Sweetone,
Tomorrow can never come
As your dish
You may in time's domain
For ever fish
That’s your wish

Style / type: 
Free verse
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

loved

Sat, 2011-01-22 13:53

loved's picture

Oh What of Love

Oh what of love
Do you know?
How within the inners
Of ones heart
It does glow
It ignites
Nay burns my whole
That do you know?

What love’s all about
I doubt
But still
I love you more everyday
Morer than yesterday,
If you believe in me today
When I say,
I love you more today
Than I did yesterday
But I can’t that yet say
Whether I’ll love you more
Or lesser than tomorrow
That I just can’t say,
Coz,
Vanni will have
An extremely difficult day

loved

author comment

weirdelf

Sat, 2011-01-22 22:12

weirdelf's picture
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I love the metaphor of trying to control tomorrows by fishing for them.There is wisdom and succinctity in this, loved, perhaps the best of your poems I have read.

One query, is the shirley mentioned the shirley who commented?
Either way I think the poem would work better, more universal, if the name was replaced with "beloved" or something like that.

If you reply to this comment please do so in plain English, not with another poem, I am honestly trying to help and would value your honest reply.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

loved

Sat, 2011-01-22 22:18

loved's picture

I am an open book
thanks have amended
as advised

loved

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